Work and Life Balance and 

Self-Sabotage

Work and life balance with Cary Prejean

Work and life balance.

[00:00:00] Miriam: I am so happy to introduce you to Cary Prejean. He is a CPA and also a coaching consultant with business systems. And I’m gonna let you explain more of what you do, and then we’re gonna get into some of the nuts and bolts of this.

Introduction

[00:00:15] Cary: What do I do? I help business owners out of what I call managing the minutia. A lot of business owners, entrepreneurs, they’ve got the fingers in everything and it’s really not their best. It’s not their strong suit. That strong suit is being visionaries.

[00:00:29] Now all of a sudden you begin to empower your business

[00:00:32] When I come into a business, the owner hadn’t taken a vacation in a few years, They’re scared to, because they’re scared the business gonna fall, fall apart with them gone.

[00:00:39] And they kind of at some level kind of dread coming to work, but it’s, you know, what’s gonna be dumped into my lap today. What fires are gonna have to put out. It’s not fun anymore.

Scan the Horizons for Opportunities

[00:00:49] Cary: One of the really important jobs that a business owner is supposed to do is to constantly be scanning the horizon, looking for opportunities they can take advantage of as well as risk with perils that are coming at them, [00:01:00] that they’re gonna have to, to mitigate, navigate around, eliminate do something about if you’re not scanning for what’s coming at you, you will get blindsided.

[00:01:07] It all goes back to a, a, a question a mentor asked me about 30 years ago.

[00:01:12] He goes getting exactly what you want being totally satisfied said, man, that’s great. He goes, you know how you get that? And I went, no, he goes knowing exactly what you want. And that takes time. That takes practice. That takes reflection. It’s a process.

[00:01:28] It starts with you. You are, you are the culture, you are the mood that sets the tone for everything.

[00:01:35] Let me talk to some of your employees.

 A Bad Manager

[00:01:37] And two things that are pretty common that come back is they’re a bad manager. They’re always micromanaging everything. They don’t get that. You care about them. All you care about is your business, your profits, your wealth, your lifestyles are the rich and shameless. If that’s all, if that’s what’s driving you, I, you know, you don’t care about me. I’m just a cog in your machine..

[00:01:57] But if you’re asking them, what do you need [00:02:00] to do your job? Is there anything missing? Is there anything I can get for you? You need some training. How about your career? Is there anything we can do to help you further your career? How’s your family doing? How about good morning. just start with, Hey, good morning. Good to see you.

[00:02:12] That’s my perspective, I know you do coaching as well. What’s, what’s some of the things you do for coaching.

Create a Positive Business Environment

[00:02:19] Miriam: I I think probably what makes me the most unique of the various coaches that I’ve seen in the business realm is that I’m also a therapist and that I am very convinced that many of the problems that you see in businesses are less about the business and more about whatever’s happening within the owner.

[00:02:37] And I agree with you entirely that what that leader is bringing to the table is what creates the atmosphere and charts the course for the organization. And if they’re bringing selfishness and uni- focus, then their employees are also going to be selfish and uni- focused.

[00:02:59] And I [00:03:00] was thinking when you were sharing earlier that everything you’re saying could also apply to a manager, they have to have vision for where their department is going to go. It also applies to a parent. They have to have vision and take into account that their children have feelings and it’s not, “My way or the highway.”

Human-ness

[00:03:19] All of these things are interrelated. So the space that I bring to the CEO or the owner, or the founder is this broader perspective of our human-ness. Our humanity is woven all through this and it isn’t just spreadsheets and bottom lines, although spreadsheets and bottom lines are important, right? The other stuff is important too.

[00:03:43] You have to be able to hold it in both hands, right?

[00:03:46] Cary: Yeah. Their human beings, you know,

[00:03:47] we have our own narratives that drive us or have our own preferences. And we have our own concerns, you know, if you come to work and it’s just, work and nothing else, there’s not much room for, for humanity in there. Why, [00:04:00] why would you want to come to, to a place where you’re just part of the machinery?

[00:04:04] Miriam: Exactly. And what I have found with employees is that if you offer them a large salary, they will take it and appreciate it for a very limited amount of time.

[00:04:16] And then it’s not enough.

More Than Just a Paycheck

[00:04:18] I’ve coached quite a few people who are trying to figure out, you know, where is their next move? Because the big paycheck is awesome, except that they want more out of their life. And it seems to me that most people want to be developed on the employee side and most people on the employer side, the business owner side would like their people to be less yes- men and more self-directed

[00:04:47] One thing I was thinking of that you mentioned initially you ran through a list of reasons why these owners were doing the minutia. Sometimes I think that it’s habit, they have been in [00:05:00] control for so long, especially if they started as a solopreneur they had to do everything .

[00:05:05] And it was, ” I would love to hire someone, but I don’t have the money.” And then they have the money to hire someone and they don’t know how to delegate. That is a learned skill.

Delegation

[00:05:16] Cary: Well, yes, they, they don’t know how to delegate. That’s very true. And they’re used to seeing it done their way.

[00:05:23]  Really what you should task your employees with, “these are results I want in this timeframe.”

[00:05:28] But if you tell ’em you have to do it the way I would do it, they’re not gonna do it the way you cause they’re not you.

[00:05:33] Miriam:  I have found in my own situation, as I have hired people that I’ve struggled with. Exactly. Some of the things you’re talking about and I’ve had to take a step back and say, “well, Miriam, are you God, do you know the best way to do this thing?”

We All Can Win

[00:05:48]  I try really “hard to be collaborative and to say, ” this is my idea, but if you have a better idea, I’m all for it because I’m looking for everyone to win. [00:06:00] I’m looking for me to win and for you to win and for the customer to win. I want us all to win.”

[00:06:05] Cary: I’ve had employees in the past. I mean, at one time I had 16 employees and I was making tremendous money, but I was working 80-100 hours a week. I was that, that typical business owner driven, killing himself ,you know, and totally impatient with employees.

[00:06:23] Totally wondering why they didn’t see what I saw. At some point I went through somewhat of a, revelation of this is not fun. . The money’s great. But look at the rest of your life.

Work-Life Balance

[00:06:32] Miriam: Was there a moment, like a situation where something happened that was the slap upside, the face and you went, oh my word.

[00:06:44] Cary: I was in my office on a Sunday evening and I was missing out on one of my kids’ birthday parties. Cause I had to get something done for Monday. Yeah. And it just kind of hit me, you know, what am I doing? Yeah. What am I doing?

[00:06:58] Miriam: If your business is a [00:07:00] success, a raging success and your life is in the toilet, you have lost.

[00:07:05] One of my principles is I wanna help you win in business and in life. Right. And if you’re winning in one and not the other, you aren’t winning

Connections of Humanity

[00:07:15] Cary: well, if, you’re losing in family.

[00:07:17] You’re losing in social, you’re losing in body, you’re losing in spirituality. I mean, there’s all these other dimensions of humanity

[00:07:24] This is come from ontological design, there’s 13 primary domains of human concern. And, you know, work finance is just a. Blend of two.

[00:07:35] But there’s so many more that don’t get addressed or get swept aside and suddenly you wake up – like they say, I’ve never heard anybody in a death bed wishing they had put more hours in at the office.

Ontological Design

[00:07:45] Miriam: Yeah. Isn’t that something? Love the term. Ontological design is probably probably one that most people are not familiar with.

[00:07:52] Why don’t you explain that a little bit and some of the other categories.

[00:07:57] Cary: Language actually generates your reality. [00:08:00] In fact, the, the, now that you and I are in, we coordinated in the past through language, even though it was written, I mean, it’s still language, right?

[00:08:09] . We coordinated this present in the past. Yeah. Animals don’t do that. Now wolves will coordinate in a hunt in the present, but they don’t say, Hey guys, let’s go hunting next Tuesday, night, nine o’clock.

[00:08:20] They don’t do that. We as humans have that capacity to design the future. Right? So not only can you generate a future through language, your present, your perspective generates your experience of reality.

[00:08:34] We’re we’re pattern seeking and our narrative is always trying to make sense of what patterns we’re seeing.

Benefit of the Doubt

[00:08:40] Miriam: , an example, if you are in a car and someone cuts you off and you think, oh, that person’s so rude. They cut me off. Now you’re gonna get mad .

[00:08:49] . And if you think, oh my goodness. I wonder if they just found out someone they love is in the hospital. You feel completely different.

[00:08:57] Cary: As we go through life, you know, [00:09:00] we, we pick up certain beliefs and certain assessments and certain judgements and prejudices. And we forget that they’re just opinions. There’s no truth, you know, the ultimate universal truth about it.

[00:09:12] And at some point it becomes like the truth for you, you know, like that’s just the way it is. That’s life.

[00:09:18] A good ontological coach will have the right questions.

[00:09:20] Not the answers have the right questions for the person to examine their own stuff, their own, their own narrative.

[00:09:27] How is that serving you? Is that empowering you or disempowering you, that belief you have and where did the belief come from?

What is Driving You?

[00:09:34] So you have them examine what is driving them and help them to reinterpret by asking good questions and maybe offering, you know, possible alternative interpretations. And what happens is it’s like a light bulb goes off. .

[00:09:47] A lot of times we make up, what we think the other person is saying, and a negative assessment real or made up is just an invitation to suffer. Mm-hmm you can accept or [00:10:00] decline it.

Teenage vs Adult Discourse

[00:10:00] Cary: Here’s difference- a teenage discourse versus an adult discourse,

[00:10:04] teenagers give everybody in the world authority and permission to, to assess them, categorize them.

[00:10:10] They take it all extremely personal.

[00:10:12] Adults are very careful – they’re specific with who they give the authority to, to assess them. You know, and a lot of times it’s like your spouse or maybe close family members, close friends, but the rest of the world, you know, you kind of take it with a grain, eh,

[00:10:26] Miriam: I’m going to say mature adults.

[00:10:28] Cary: Here’s a distinction this teenage discourse versus adult discourse.

[00:10:32] Ah, I know, I know people in the teenage discourse in their eighties.

[00:10:35] Yes. Okay. I’m on the same page with you now. Yeah, we are in full agreements. Yes. Good.

[00:10:41] This is personal, but it was just, it’s so huge. Looking back. My parents got divorced when I was like 13 and next thing you know, my father’s dating my mother’s best friend . And it got like ugly, crazy scenes on the street and having my youngest siblings hanging out the car screaming blocking ’em in traffic and [00:11:00] making scenes. It was just, it was crazy.

[00:11:01] You look back at it, it’s like,, how mature was that?

Wake-Up Call

[00:11:05] Talk about a wake up call, it was life transforming, you know, because I was, I still pretty much locked in teenage discourse, even though I was in my early thirties when I went through it.

[00:11:13] You know, I was demanding, I was, you know, driven. I was, you know, “do it my way.” the whole bit. .

[00:11:20] The whole thing of the ontological training that generally what triggers us the most is the things we’re most scared that we are.

[00:11:26] Miriam: The things that we are most scared that we are. Triggers that that makes a ton of sense to me as a therapist.

[00:11:34] [00:12:00]

Specifics of Adult Discourse

[00:12:13] Miriam: , what specific behaviors did you see shifting and changing?

[00:12:19] Cary: One of the things that adults do is they begin closing possibilities and doors, you know, of opportunities and what have you, so that they can pursue what they’re really passionate about and actually achieve mastery mastery at something

[00:12:31] Achieving master requires that you, you, you narrow your possibilities for what you’re gonna pursue in life.

[00:12:38] The other big thing is what I had already talked about is that you begin to limit who you give authority to, to assess you.

[00:12:45] One of the things of adulthood is to begin to be able to be an observer because until you can see, oh, that’s just some language. That’s just some opinions I have. That’s just some stuff that I was taught when I was younger. And I took it as to put the truth and it’s not serving me anymore.

[00:12:59] I’m [00:13:00] suffering from it. I think I’m gonna stop suffering

[00:13:02] because back then, before I went through this training and practice for years I was very angry. I was very impatient. I didn’t enjoy being around people and now it’s these, you know, they just have a different perspective.

Manage Your Mood

[00:13:16] There’s a lot more peace in operating in, in adult discourse and you get to manage your mood.

[00:13:22] If you’re grateful and joyful and ambitious and peaceful all at the same time, and you’re optimistic behind all of that, you see a ton of possibilities. You see a lot of things that are available on the horizon.

[00:13:35] You are able to ask for help.

[00:13:37] Whereas if you’re in a teenager discourse of they’re doing it to me and parents are doing it to me, life’s doing it to me. Other kids are doing it to me and it has nothing I can do about it. So that has you resigned and resentful.

[00:13:50] And you know, so what can you do if there’s nothing you can do about it, except become a, become a victim and develop a really good victim story. And be, be angry at your parents and angry at everybody who’s doing it [00:14:00] to you and you’re miserable. You suffer.

Observe Yourself

[00:14:03] Miriam: I love this new language of adult discourse and teenage discourse. I have talked about it more in a internal or external locus of control and what you’re describing about the victim mindset or the ability, the opposite of that, the ability to stand outside of yourself and observe yourself.

[00:14:24] These, these are concepts that are easy to say and difficult to live, and it takes a while to figure out –

[00:14:33] What is it I’m actually thinking and how is what I’m thinking, influencing what I’m doing. And then everybody else is responding to me in ways that are not necessarily useful to my life or my business.

[00:14:48] I was thinking about some of the teenage discourse spaces and the adult discourse spaces in my own life.

It’s O.K. to Say No

[00:14:54] One thing I had to learn was that “no” was not a four letter word that it’s [00:15:00] okay to say “no.” I think a younger version of me was very invested in people- pleasing and if they had a need, I was invested in helping them accomplish that need maybe to the detriment of myself. And I think as I have matured in some spaces, I’m able to say, you know, that’s actually your story and your job to deal with.

[00:15:24] And this is my story and my job to deal with. And I don’t need to have my fingers in your business. You know, making sure you succeed because whether you succeed or fail is not actually about my story. It’s about your story,

[00:15:37] Or another thing I was thinking about as you were describing this business of accepting suffering or not accepting suffering.

Guilt

[00:15:46] I have a similar concept, but I was thinking about it in terms of guilt, guilt can cause a lot of suffering. Yeah. I come from a long line of people who are happy, to feel guilty – they should have done this or should have done that.

[00:15:59] [00:16:00] And I remember in my mind seeing like a glove on my hand, like a baseball glove I can reach out the glove and I can catch the guilt or I can hold the glove into my body and let the guilt fly right by.

[00:16:14] And once I learned how to do that, Oh, my life got so much better.

[00:16:19] Cary: You know, I’ve gotten the point where I, if I notice I’m suffering I get out of that. . I don’t have any, I don’t wanna waste any time suffering anymore than I have to.

Give Yourself Permission

[00:16:28] Miriam:  Once you start owning your life in a way that says the decisions I make are mine to make and they impact all the people around me, your life takes on a different perspective and a different freedom.

[00:16:43] You give yourself permission, I guess, more than anything to be yourself. You know, you’re not so worried about what other people are gonna think about you say about you,

[00:16:50] I’m gonna live my life the way I’m gonna live my life. And some people will be drawn to what I do. And some people will be repelled by it. No matter what I do.

Avoid the Financial Pitfalls

[00:16:57] Miriam: Okay. I’m gonna take a little bit of [00:17:00] turn. My podcast talks about not only wisdom, which I think we’ve been talking about but also practicality. Because you have a CPA background, I would love for you to talk a little bit about some of the pitfalls that you see people falling into- business owners, as well as non-business owners with their finances.

[00:17:21] Cary: Right. The, the big part of it, I, I see is not knowing anything about finances. I mean, again, just cause you have a, you started a business successful with the business. Doesn’t mean, you know, anything about money and probably the best example that I know of personally is doctors. Doctors make a lot of money.

[00:17:38] So they think they know a lot about money. But most doctors I know of they’re easy pray for, for you know, slick salesman. They really are. My father was a doctor and he couldn’t read his tax return.

Athletes and Coaches

[00:17:52] Why do successful athletes have coaches?

[00:17:54] Why does anybody who’s successful have coaches? Because you can’t see yourself in [00:18:00] the performance of what you’re doing.

[00:18:01] So your coach can not only see you perform and give you this, you know, little coaching tips on how to improve this and that they can also give you distinctions. That’ll help you up game up your game. Not just a little bit, but by a lot.

[00:18:13]  Money is the domain that most people know very little about.

[00:18:17] so really what you need is a, a coach there and it could be your CPA,

[00:18:20] Another thing I’ve seen business owners get in trouble over is their taxes. And a lot of times they don’t know they’re in trouble until the tax man shows up

“Affluenza”

[00:18:28] Miriam: I have seen this happen with people.

[00:18:30] Cary: The other thing I’ve seen business owners or people do is they get successful. They start making some money and they come down with the disease. I call “Afluenza” and they start buying resort homes.

[00:18:42] I was representing a client and this guy is gone bankrupt

[00:18:45] he had a 6 million boat and he had a full time employee on the boat keeping up. And by, and by the time he hit bankruptcy, the boat was about worth, about 2 million. He had also bought a horse farm, which was sucking the company dry.

[00:18:58] He also [00:19:00] had about eight family members on the payroll, some of which he did very little for the company. You know, this guy. near 70 and going through chapter seven, bankruptcy, total insolvency.

Be Informed Financially

[00:19:13] Miriam: I hear you saying two things. One that you absolutely have to be informed at a basic level of how money works. and that so many people really do not understand the basics of taxes and of maybe some of the laws or how to find someone to help you.

[00:19:33] And the other thing I hear you saying is spend less than you earn.

[00:19:37] Yeah. If you spend less than you earn, you are never gonna find yourself in trouble.

[00:19:42] Cary: You always want to have some reserves, you know, you you know what I tell some of these people is that the seeds of destruction are planted in times of abundance.

[00:19:51] mm-hmm

[00:19:52] you know, so everything’s great. Now don’t go tie your business down. You start tying your business to that kind of those kind of cash drains and business [00:20:00] takes a downturn.

Risk and Opportunity

[00:20:00] You’re stuck with it. Cause that stuff like a horse farm and a $6 million boat, they lose value immediately. And there will be down times.

[00:20:07] Again, that’s why the owner has to be scanning horizon, looking for what’s coming there gonna be some opportunities you can take advantage of, and there’s gonna be some risk.

[00:20:15] You better be prepared for.

[00:20:16] Miriam: Absolutely. Being an optimist and a realist at the same time is a hard Teeter- totter to ride hard, hard, but that is the job of every business owner and of every parent and of every manager, every human needs to be able to say I’m gonna have a positive outlook and I’m gonna believe the best.

[00:20:40] And also what, what might be coming down the pike and how do I prepare for it?

“Productive Paranoia”

[00:20:45] I’m pretty sure Jim Collins called this concept productive paranoia, where you look, you scan the horizon and you say, what could go wrong and how do I prepare for it? Not. In a like, obsessive way that is [00:21:00] unhealthy, but in a wise way that says I’m gonna make hay while the sun shines and I’m gonna put it in my barn so that when it’s snowing, I have something to feed the things that I care about.

[00:21:10] Cary: You don’t wanna be paranoid, but you do want to be, you know, you wanna be cognizant of, of what’s going around you and what’s happening in your industry and technology and government regulation.

[00:21:20] You know, we’re, we’re hardwired in our limbic system with what’s called the, the herding principle.

[00:21:26] You know, you see Gazelle’s out the herd of gazelle, only one or two have to see the lion coming and they take off the rest of the herd takes off with them. They don’t, they don’t ask where’s the lion.

[00:21:36] You see it in financial markets, you know why everybody’s buy at the top and everybody’s selling at the bottom.

[00:21:42] You have to be careful of that. You don’t get caught up in some, some frenzy, some fad, some unsustainable trend.

The Herd Mentality

[00:21:48] Miriam: How do you help people and yourself? When you can, tell,” oh, I’m getting caught up in the herd mentality.” And how do you talk yourself out of that space?[00:22:00]

[00:22:00] Cary: Well, again, with questions – real thinking happens when you ask questions, right?

[00:22:06] Yes. So it’s like, okay, so what’s appealing about this. Is this similar to other fads that other crazies that I’ve seen that have. Crashed and burned, you know, am I getting in the wrong time? Is there any professional analysis that’s not biased

[00:22:19] A lot of times ask a pessimist. They’ll poke holes in stuff that you didn’t see before valid ones.

[00:22:25] Miriam: All the pessimists in my life say” I’m a realist.”

Accept Other’s Differences

[00:22:28] They all say that. It is a skillset that they have and the holes that they are poking into various things need to be addressed, not just blown over. It really is a good reminder of how much we need each other.

[00:22:42] We need to be able to accept each other’s differences as value- added instead of annoying, you know, to say, okay, they might have a point. Maybe I should at least pause before I move forward with “X”, whatever “X” is in the herd mentality.

[00:22:59] Cary: [00:23:00] The problem I’ve run into with business entrepreneurs is they’re so optimistic. They absolutely do not see risk, period. Yeah. All they see is opportunity if they have somebody who’s a realist or pessimist, but is always talking about risk, they get like, impatient, why are you trying to bring me down?

[00:23:16] Why are you being so negative? You know? Yeah. And I, and I’ve had to caution them. No, you need to embrace that perspective cuz they’re gonna see risks that you absolutely are blind to. You need to take in, you need to reflect on it. Because they’re gonna see, they’re gonna see things. That’ll come back and bite you on the butt.

What Are You Chasing?

[00:23:32] Miriam: This has been so much fun.

[00:23:34] You’ve gone through, you know, the teenage discourse space and more of the adult discourse space. And your business has had quite a few iterations. Your children are grown. So what do you believe you’re chasing at this point in your life?

[00:23:50] Cary: You know, I, I have, whatever years I have left, you know, who knows 20, 30, maybe I maybe I’ll be dead tomorrow. In the meantime, I really enjoy what I do. [00:24:00]

[00:24:00] I enjoy working with business owners. You know, now I don’t enjoy working with sociopaths and narcissists. I, I, I don’t work with them. Because it it’s all about,

[00:24:09] I have nothing to change. You know, I can’t help you,

[00:24:11] but the people that I do work with, I really enjoy watching them.

Stressed to Ambitious

[00:24:16] You know, they, they, they go from being stressed a lot with their business and dissatisfied with some things to, you know, they start to develop more of these moods of ambition and peace and gratitude,

[00:24:27] And because you see the business becoming much more functional and much less dysfunctional the employee morale goes up and you see their businesses thrive

[00:24:36] Miriam: What you’re talking about is a rehab project. I don’t know if you’ve seen this movie the, the Biggest Little Farm. They took this dead piece of land and they brought it back to life and made it incredibly productive.

[00:24:49] I think what you’re talking about is you’re taking something that has some significant challenges and you’re bringing it to life and watching it grow and expand and be [00:25:00] able to serve people in a way that it couldn’t do before, because of these various pitfalls and self sabotaging behaviors that were found within the business or within the owner, et cetera.

[00:25:11] Cary: Thank you. I appreciate that insight.

Book Recommendations

[00:25:13] Miriam: You mentioned earlier when we first started, you had a couple books that you felt like were good recommends.

[00:25:19] Cary: Thin Book of Trust Charles Feltman.

[00:25:21] There’s four basic distinctions of trust. Number one is caring. Do you care? My concerns, your concerns.

[00:25:27] Are you sincere? Is what you’re saying with your mouth match what I think’s going on in your head?

[00:25:32] Are you competent? Can you actually do what you say you can do, you know, can you perform and

[00:25:37] fourth, are you reliable? Do you have a history of keeping promises over time?

[00:25:41] So yeah, those are the four things to trust and, and he does a real good job of breaking them down and easy way to understand it.

Charity

[00:25:48] Miriam: Right.

[00:25:48] , this has been. So fun before we go.

[00:25:51] I think my listeners know that I always do a small gift- we talked about four charities earlier today and you chose the Sheldrick [00:26:00] trust, they help orphaned elephants whose moms have been poached. You said you had three rescue dogs and you had a heart for helping in that way.

[00:26:08] Yeah, I appreciate it.

[00:26:09] Thanks having me on the show Miriam.

Full audio episode found here.

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Music by Tom Sherlock

Strategic Business Advisors

The Sheldrick Wildlife Trust

 

If you are curious to know more, please contact me!

As someone who has been a therapist for over a decade and has been coaching people for over three decades, I am uniquely qualified to address your concerns.

 

 

 

Self-Sabotage and Your Sense of Self Worth

 

Caroline Blanchard  [Recorded 6_21_22] Empowering Your Sense of Self Worth

[00:00:00] Miriam: All right. I am so excited to have you, Caroline. I appreciate just your, your presence. And we have talked before on your podcast and I love what you stand for. I mean, we started talking right away and I feel, I was like, Hey, maybe we should hit record, cuz this is good stuff. So Caroline, I’m gonna let you talk a little bit about who you are and what you do, and thanks so much for being on the leave better podcast.

[00:00:26] Caroline: Well, my pleasure. And thank you for having me. You’re such a great soul and yes, we had an amazing connection on my podcast. So I am pleased that you invited me. Thank you.

Who she is

[00:00:36] Who I am. Wow. That’s such a charged question. Right now where I’m at now, I’m a life coach.

[00:00:43] But even life coach, I don’t like it a hundred percent cuz I feel like I really focus on helping people go through sobriety and staying sober. It is a reality out there that a lot of people need that.

[00:00:54] I’m a mother of three kids and three dogs and a cat . So I’m [00:01:00] an animal lover. My, my kids bring back dogs and we end up all. rescuing them.

[00:01:06] And besides that, I’m also in network marketing. So I’ve published books into regarding this industry because it’s an industry that I’m passionate about. I do think it’s the greatest equalizer in business and you know, you can thrive and succeed regardless of your education, gender, race religion, whatever it’s really into the effort you will put in.

Author

[00:01:33] So I’ve published three books up until now. There’s a fourth one coming very soon. They all hid best sellers. So thank you everyone. And recently, well, in the last two years, I decided to start a podcast just because I had so much to say , but I started it specifically to to target women empowerment.

[00:01:56] And. , know, I, I thought about going into business, going [00:02:00] into, you know, talking to entrepreneurs and all of this. But what I realized is that I’m a woman, I’m an entrepreneur. I used to be a corporate executive. I’m a mom. I’m, you know, I wear so many different hats that my podcast is called simply Caroline.

Empowering Women To Have Self Worth

[00:02:16] And we basically talk about anything and everything that will help women and will empower them to live a better.

 

[00:02:24] Miriam: I was looking at my reasons for wanting to do a podcast and it was so I could meet remarkable people doing fantastic things. And that is absolutely you. How fun to just hear the breadth of your life and experience and for sure, in the show notes, we’ll link to your books and to your podcast.

[00:02:45] And oh, it’s just a pleasure to have you with us. So why don’t you give a little bit of a history? I mean, you’ve got a wonderful accent. Why don’t you tell our listeners the threads in your life that you see preparing you to be who you are.[00:03:00]

[00:03:01] A Little History

[00:03:01] Caroline: Okay. So I was born in a small town called Rimouski in the middle of the province of Quebec. My parents divorced when I was nine months. So I think that right there, it was the start of, you know, of what built me today because you know, obstacles will help you build resilience. I was raised by my mom and with my sister. Who’s the closest to me.

[00:03:27] And the two older kids were raised with my dad. We were living apart like three hours cities that were three hours apart and it’s French cities. So that’s where it comes from, but I moved into an Italian neighborhood and The only way to make friends was to play with the Italians. And the only kind of middle language we had was English.

Feeling Isolated

[00:03:51] And my mom was listening to a lot of English songs. So, you know, as kids, even if you don’t understand each other, you do understand each other and you end [00:04:00] up playing together and eventually you end up like understanding their language. So I guess I, I, I learned my English. That way nothing too official.

[00:04:10] The, the typical schooling system when I got out, I went to study to become a cop six months before graduating, I decided that it was not my field because being really immersed in it for two and a half years I realized that I am a. Justice Seeker, but not a criminal code seeker. Mm-hmm, , you know, as a police, it can be extremely frustrating to you know, arrest people.

[00:04:37] And if you don’t collect the proof properly, it’s gonna be dismissed. You know, sometimes you, you watch guilty, people walk away, you know, they’re guilty, they know they’re guilty, but. Something was not done. Right. They still walk away. So I’m lucky enough that I realize yeah. At a young age that you know, I would’ve been like extremely frustrated.

Too Much Partying

[00:04:59] So I [00:05:00] left that field, stayed out of school for three years, partied way too much. Worked in bars. Like I had that whole life. And at some point I, I woke up one morning and I was just. I need to use my brain I need to do something. So I went back and I completed my university. In my last year of university, I got a bursary to go and do an English immersion in Vancouver, Canada.

[00:05:30] So I went there. Uh, It was super fun. Spent the summer there met a. Really hand some summer fling and when I came back I found out I was pregnant. So had my son reconnected with the fling and we got to know each other and eventually we got married. We had two kids together. I lived in Vancouver for a while and that’s when I also started my corporate career.

I Needed to Be Flexible

[00:05:53] I started in. I was always a sales rep or account executive, because [00:06:00] for me, that was the, the most flexibility I could get. And I always wanted flexibility to be able to come home if my kids needed something or whatever. Wow. I really feel like I’m deep that I’m digging deep here.

[00:06:14] Miriam: Hang on for a second, because what I want to say is you are, I mean, you’re young and look at how many things your life has brought across your path.

[00:06:25] We could spend a podcast on every single one of those episodes of your life. Like my brain is humming with what did you learn from the time you were training to become, a law enforcement person? What did you learn in the time you were training to become a business person? What did you learn having half your family being separated from you by three hours, which to a kid is it may as well be across the end of the world, you know, and if I remember correctly, even the story about how you reconnected with your son’s father, [00:07:00] incredible, incredible.

[00:07:02] So many things packed in one life. It’s amazing.

Wisdom

[00:07:06] Let me switch gears for a second and have you. Reflect a little bit, because my podcast is wisdom and practicality to help people overcome their self sabotaging behaviors in business and life, which is too many words, but it’s hard to say all of that succinctly and each piece of it’s very important to me.

[00:07:30] If you’re practical, but you don’t have wisdom. you lose in the end. And if you’re only talking about business and not your life, you lose because those things are inextricably intertwined. Talk through this history what are some self sabotaging mindsets you saw in yourself that, Had you continued that direction, would’ve sabotaged your life.

[00:07:53] Trying to Fill the Empty Hole

[00:07:53] Caroline: Well, quite a few, honestly, I’ve always been Leaning on humor and leaning on making people [00:08:00] laugh, I think to hide a big part of the sadness or the empty hole that was in me that I feel like I carry since I’m little.

[00:08:09] So I looked for a lot of different things to fill it. I turned towards people. I turned towards experiences. I turned towards drugs, alcohol,

There Was Always a Good Person There

[00:08:21] In every situation I was, or in every obstacle I had, there was always a good person placed in front of me. That would help me go through it.

[00:08:32] And I was always lucky that even in the bad groups that I met. I would get close to the good one that would help me, you know, always stay clear of too many, too much trouble. So yeah, I would say that my biggest self sabotage was always to seek out something to fill to fill me basically.

[00:08:53] And the worst was alcohol and drugs. But I always hit it very well [00:09:00] so that no one knew mm-hmm , but I basically started drinking. I was 12 and you know, stopped only 10 years ago. The worst kind of self sabotage is to you know, keep yourself where you’re at and destroy yourself.

I Would Mess Up My Life

[00:09:16] Caroline: So there’s places where life wanted to take me. That was good places. And I would find a way to mess it up. Obviously while I was in those situation, I didn’t realize, but I think that I also was very open that I listened when people talked to me and like I said, I was lucky to have amazing people on my road.

[00:09:37] So I had people planting seeds and to, Hey, Do you think this is smart and Hey, do you think you should treat yourself? Like what, like this and, and, you know, a bunch of different comments. So even if I didn’t apply it right there. And then when they told me,, it was planted in my mind

[00:09:54] Pay Attention to the Feedback Others Give You

[00:09:54] Miriam: hmm. What I hear you saying- if you’re one of those people who [00:10:00] is in that space, pay attention to the people who are giving the good input they’re there. And it’s whether you listen to it or not, and you might be one of those people who could give good input. Sometimes people say, oh, I didn’t.

[00:10:16] I knew I should have said something, but I didn’t want to, I didn’t wanna offend them. I didn’t want to. I’m wanting to know at what point did someone say something to you and you were offended, but also it stuck in your head and you continued to mu and chew and think about it.

[00:10:35] Caroline: It’s hard to say because the offended feeling is gone.

Offended In the Moment

[00:10:41] The lesson stayed so maybe I was offended in the moment. Yeah. But I let it go. I think that’s one of my strengths too, or I don’t even know if it’s a strength, a trait, a gift. I really live in the moment. So when I go to bed, I always feel like tomorrow’s a new day and what happened today will stay in [00:11:00] today.

[00:11:01] And, you know, I’ve been through a few traumas and abuse and separations and stuff like that. and the reason why I didn’t stay stuck there, I think is because really when I go to bed, I’m like tomorrow is a new day. The bad will stay here. So probably when someone offends me, I’m like, okay, whatever.

You Might Need To Hear It

[00:11:22] And mm-hmm, , that’s, that’s really, you know, what’s the important thing. I would say that if you stay offended by something, it’s because it’s something you really need to hear. And sometimes it can be harsh. It can be said very wrongly. Like the person didn’t use the right word, the person included insults or whatever, but there’s always a part of truth.

[00:11:45] Into something. So you can take the offense and feel offended and move away, or just ask yourself, why was this thrown at me.

[00:11:55] Miriam: It’s a good question. I love your perspective about [00:12:00] putting it to bed when you go to bed. And tomorrow is a new day that, I mean is one place that just makes you successful.

[00:12:09] LeaveBetter Has Something For You

[00:12:09] Miriam: Hey, this is Miriam jumping back in.

[00:12:11] Are you looking to go to the next level in your life or business right now? That’s what lead better is about my friend. We give you the coaching to level up, have those breakthrough. So you can stop the self sabotage that keeps you where you are currently. Let’s make self-improvement a way of life. Go to , leavebetter.com and download the free resource that’s there today.

[00:12:31] We change them regularly. So go and see what’s new at leaf, better.com. Now back to our interview.

Back to the Interview

[00:12:40] Miriam: From my perspective, you come across as extremely well put together very competent and successful. And I have a feeling there’s been an aspect of that.

[00:12:52] In your life throughout your entire life. I want you to talk about how can you in one area of your [00:13:00] life be doing so well and in another area of your life, shoot yourself in the foot and self sabotage, because I know a lot of our listeners are super good at their businesses, but their marriages are falling apart or they’re incredibly good in their athletic pursuit.

[00:13:17] But their work performance sucks or whatever, you know, there, there’s this weird thing within us where a piece of us can know the steps we need to take to be successful. And another part of us just seems hell, bent on ruining it.

We Know the Steps, But We Don’t Do Them

[00:13:35] Caroline: Yes. And that’s an amazing question. That could be answered in a lot of different ways.

[00:13:41] I will give my perspective on that, but I think I was raised with my mother was very big on appearances and she was raised that way as well. You know what always be proud. Don’t walk out of the house with your hair. I’m brushed or, you know, stuff like that. Always have a [00:14:00] proud image. I think that one of the big things is that we were extremely poor.

We Were So Poor

[00:14:04] But people didn’t even know cuz I had that one pair of Jean, but it was always clean and you know my mom would always take care of it. Everything was clean, everything was sparkly. So we didn’t have much with what we had was very much taken care of. If we had people coming over for supper, we would never say I don’t know, like we don’t have enough food.

[00:14:25] We would give them our food and just be quiet about it. So it was really much about the appearance, the external image. There is a lot of good in that, cuz it helped me learn a lot. But there is also a lot of bad it’s I was thought with hint insight, I was thought how to wear a mask and to always pretend that everything is sparkly, clean and everything is a okay.

Depression

[00:14:52] Which, you know, brought me into depression. I started pretty young. I don’t even know what age, but it was a, a, a mild [00:15:00] depression. It did not stop me from doing my daily activity, but stopped me from being happy. So I was able to always be high functioning.

[00:15:12] Nice you know, care for the others. I guess what I’m trying to say is that how the other felt others felt and how they saw me was more important than what I was actually feeling. And, and, you know, going through which, you know, led me to also, when I was in corporate, I had really high positions you know, I was a high achiever and I was good at what, what I was doing.

I Had It All, But …

[00:15:41] after my working hours, my depression was there. And you know, I would drink. And I was never like super drunk falling everywhere. I was well put together on the outside. I was a corporate executive. There was my marriage, I had my cute kids, my animals.[00:16:00]

[00:16:00] I was a volunteer for my hockey sons team, a volunteer for my daughter’s soccer team. You know, I was present at school and everything, but inside everything was falling apart.

[00:16:12] And I really had this very logic part of me that was like, I have a problem that I need to solve. When I would explain it to people, I would be like, yes.

The Dark Thoughts

[00:16:25] And sometimes I have dark thoughts. Like I I’m thinking about ending life or whatever. And they were like, well, it’s not that dramatic. If you are able to explain it to me this way, you know, because I really had this logical. Of me that was able to, I guess, step back, look at my life, tell you what my problem were.

[00:16:45]

[00:16:45] The Almost End

[00:16:45] And all of that lasted like until one day I overdosed and my husband had to bring me to ICU. But I think that, that when that happened, I realized what I could have lost, like my kids and I [00:17:00] guess like people around me also realize, wow, I think she has an issue , you know, and that’s also when I shared it with some people, how much people were shocked, they were like, oh my gosh, you had the perfect life and you had this and I wanted to be you in this area and blah, blah, blah.

[00:17:22] And I was just like, I realized this was all my mask. Everyone knew my mask. Yeah. So there was two Carolyn, there was a one home and the one outside of the house.

Acceptance To All Parts

[00:17:32] And the big downside to that is that if you don’t accept all parts of your personality and you choose to only show what shines, you’re not showing the real you and the rest will come up and bite you.

[00:17:46] Miriam: I so appreciate your vulnerability to share that story. I’m certain, there is someone out there listening who is saying.

[00:17:56] She gets me, whether they’re a man or a woman, it doesn’t [00:18:00] matter. This who looks good on the outside, who looks like they have it all together. And on the inside, they feel like everything’s crumbling. I, I personally have talked with many business owners who are like that, even high performers.

[00:18:15] Miriam: What, what advice, if you were speaking directly to them, what would you say if they’re in that place where they’re.

Advice

[00:18:23] That’s me. She just described me.

[00:18:28] I think the biggest thing is to be honest with yourself. And I know that when we’re in that place, there’s a lot of fear. There’s a lot of fear of first of all, facing what’s gonna happen because let’s face it. .

[00:18:42] And also at some point you know, especially in the last 10 years, I did a lot of self development, but I, I had started a bit back then. One of the thing was, what is your definition of success?

Her Definition of Success

[00:18:55] Like not your parents, not your siblings, not your. [00:19:00] Yours. And I realized, you know, when you ask back, like, what were you playing with when you were young? What happened for me? It was always just to be happy, but when people would ask me my goals, that was a pretty silly goal. And I’ve been told, well, be happy.

[00:19:18] Well, just be happy. , you know, I’m talking about goals. Like what’s gonna be your career. How much money are you gonna make? But I was just like, I just wanna be happy. So I was seen as someone that was not ambitious by certain, but for me, that was the hardest thing to go get was happiness and feeling fulfilled.

[00:19:40] What Are You Running After?

[00:19:40] Yeah. And I think that a lot of those high achievers it’s that we run after something to make us feel that we’re worth it. Yeah. So it’s really like, what’s your definition of. and you may be like the CEO of a big organization and have the big paycheck [00:20:00] and be miserable inside because you know, you can’t accomplish all of that.

[00:20:04] You know, you can achieve that, but you still feel empty when you get home.

Having a Coach

[00:20:09] And now what I say is that without a, a doubt, having a coach mm-hmm, like, if you would see an Olympic athlete going to the Olympics without a coach, you would say, wow, that’s not a smart decision.

[00:20:25] So for an athlete, we understand. That they need a coach. Yeah. But as a human being, we always need to justify why would I need a coach? It’s the same thing though. Yeah. It’s someone to keep you accountable. It’s someone to be real with you. It’s someone to help you ask the real questions because let’s face it.

You Will Make Your Life Easy

[00:20:43] If you’re the one, asking yourself all the questions, you will give yourself all the answers you want to hear. and you can, you will make your life easy. And, but that’s not how to grow.

[00:20:56] Miriam: I couldn’t agree more. You know, I wanna double back to that [00:21:00] person who made you feel foolish for wanting to be happy, because if you read anything, any like that is what people want, through the ages, people want to be happy and fulfilled and feel like their life is meaningful.

What If They Had Given You Different Advice?

[00:21:16] And do you ever wonder if someone had given you different advice? If they had said. Yeah, I wanna be happy too. Let’s set about making that happen.

[00:21:27] I read something two days ago. I believe where they said success is when your, your vision of the life you want on the outside of you matches the vision of the life you want on the inside of you.

[00:21:41] So there’s this congruence between what you want on the inside. And then what you’re experiencing on the outside. And too much of the time, there is not congruence between those two things, you know?

[00:21:55] Caroline: Well, that’s why it’s important to know. What is your definition of [00:22:00] success?

[00:22:00] How Are Other’s Limiting Themselves?

[00:22:00] Miriam: As you look at people, you coach what self sabotaging behaviors do you see in them? They’re on a growth track. They’re doing many, many things good, but also, you know, in your mind, you’re like if they would stop doing this or stop thinking this, they would catapult forward

[00:22:23] Caroline: a few things. But I think that one of the most common one.

[00:22:28] and the most difficult to accept, I think is that we reject a kid in us. Mm. You know, cause we wanna be grownups mm-hmm and we are successful people and we thrive in everything so that we reject the idea that there’s a scared little kid in us. Yeah. And for me, I know that I rejected it for the longest time and I really had to learn to embrace the five year old and me the one who was scared and explained, you know, to her that I’m an adult.

Learning To Embrace The Young One

[00:22:59] Now we [00:23:00] got this, you know, you’re okay. But for the longest time, this part of me really felt like, you know, I wasn’t worth. I didn’t deserve it. And we were raised with so many different limiting beliefs and, and sayings like money doesn’t grow on tree. You need to work hard. You were born for, you were born for a small bread, you know, all of these things so that when that’s put in your head, whether you want it or not, it’s there until you actually go address at that period of your life.

[00:23:32] Made you feel like you’re not entitled to all those big things. I’ve seen a lot of people doing like low six figures getting to a point where they plateau and they don’t know how to surpass that. Now some could say, well, if you’re at six figures, be happy you have enough, but it’s okay to want more, you know?

[00:23:53] Yeah. And, and that too, like that money is evil and all of this or if you are rich, you’re Grady, all of. [00:24:00] Old sayings. I feel like it’s the kid in us holding all of this and being like I know, but we need to really reconcile the two together and understand that you are worth whatever you want. You know, if you want pure abundance and all of the fields of your life, you’re worth it and you deserve it.

The Plateau

[00:24:21] And I remember working with one person who kept hitting the same plateau. one time. She was about to surpass the plateau and go to the next rank. And she clearly self sabotaged. Like she stopped working consistently. She stopped her discipline. She, she reduced what she was doing to get on her way to passing her plateau because it was pure fear.

[00:24:48] There’s a fear also like when I get there, what is it gonna be like? What if I don’t handle it?

[00:24:53] Miriam: I see the exact same thing.

[00:24:55] You’re talking about that little boy who was shamed or [00:25:00] shunned or whatever. Those behaviors follow through into adult life. And then they manifest in how you treat other people or how you are organized or disorganized or whatever, fill in the blank. It’s amazing when people do some internal work, how they’re free to reach that next level, whatever it is, that next level of relationship or level of business or level of health It is, it’s very thought provoking.

[00:25:30] Just, just listening to you talk about these things. My brain is going in a thousand different directions.

The Current Concept

[00:25:35] Miriam: What concept or idea are you currently chewing on today?

[00:25:41] Oh, quite a few, but one of the big one, actually that just happened last week, I went to an amazing convention and it was really like I’m in a bunch of different project. And it’s all things that I love and it’s mainly all things that I’m good at. But I realized, you know, that’s not how you can [00:26:00] offer your maximum.

[00:26:02] And that’s when I had my breaking point 10 years ago, I was there as well. I was a superwoman and people thought it was a compliment, but now I clearly know it’s not a compliment because when someone is a super achiever or a superwoman or whatever, They quite often neglect themselves. So I came to the conclusion of streamlining a lot of what I’m doing, understanding that there’s some things that I’m doing that I absolutely love, but it’s there for me to love and not necessarily build a business around.

I’m So Busy

[00:26:37] Because if you have too much on your plate, you can. Really give yourself a hundred percent to certain things. And then you start forgetting yourself in it, and then you start having this syndrome of like, I’m so busy.

[00:26:49] When someone is telling me I’m so busy, I’m like, good. You need my help. I teach time management. But it’s not a compliment. It means that you are not managing your stuff properly,[00:27:00]

[00:27:00] So what I’m chewing on right now is really, I’m gonna be focusing on my coaching business because I realize that in everything else that I’m doing, that’s my passion. It’s to actually help people, help people better their life, because I promise you for the first 40 years of my life, I did not believe that being happy was a possibility.

[00:27:23] The Seven F’s

[00:27:23] And I really wanna help people to go to that level. And I’m working with a company that is really teaching the seven Fs of your life, how to live a balanced life. The company is OOLA. I’m not gonna get, I’m not, I’m not gonna take credit for this amazing, you know, framework.

[00:27:41] But I do teach it. So the seven F are your family, faith, finance fitness field, which is your career or whatever you’re doing the most of all of your day. If you’re a stay at home, mom will, your field is stay at home mom and fun and friends. So basically [00:28:00] what I realized when I discovered this company and this philosophy is.

I’m Goal Driven

[00:28:04] I’m a goal driven person. And I teach that how to set goals, how to, you know, write a clear vision, reverse engineer, your clear vision to bring it into all the way down to your daily goals. But I was really focusing, always on finance and field. Mm, mm-hmm , you know, like when I did my own evaluation for faith, I scored at 11 on 100

[00:28:31] So I was just like, Hmm, I think I’m missing faith into something. Yeah. And it can be faith into anything, you know, it’s not attached to a, a certain religion or whatever. When I was looking at fun, I had never set goals for fun. Like we all have our bucket list. Like one, they all jump off a plane. But that’s kind of like, I call it the virtual bucket list, cuz I know I’m not gonna jump off a plane, but it’s a cool answer to give when someone asks to but you know, they’re real goals for fun.[00:29:00]

Living By Design

[00:29:00] What are they in your life on a daily basis on a weekly basis? So I didn’t have that. My family, I adore my kids and I live and breathe for them, but I have no goals for my family. Yeah. Like to really say where am I going with this? What do I want? So living life by design, you design your life and then you follow it.

[00:29:22] Yes. And really be intentional about everything. So that’s really my focus for the next. I don’t know how many years, but I want everything to turn to really evolve around this. So I wanna help people live that I wanna coach it. I want to live it. And all of the decisions that will, you know be taken on my part, whether it’s a new project or whatever will have to fit into that F.

[00:29:49] Miriam: it’s a good framework.  I love with the, all the Fs. It’s easy to remember. I use something similar, but it does not have such good alliteration. So thank you for sharing [00:30:00] that.

[00:30:00] Biggest Impact as a Leader

[00:30:00] Miriam: When you think about yourself as a leader, what beliefs or actions do you think have made the biggest impact on you as a leader?

Time Management

[00:30:09] I think honestly, it’s time management. Mm-hmm I used to be the perfect rebel. So I would rebel rebel against authority against rules, you know, rules were made to be broken all of this. For me, time management and a schedule was all empty. What I wanted to be, cuz I wanted to be free, you know it, except in my work days, I have to say that that was really structured, but all around all after and before I wanted to go with the flow, you know, always.

[00:30:41] So I had somehow seen time management as very restrictive and being in a box. And it’s completely the opposite because when I actually started applying it and I started reading and I, I think you’re gonna ask me one of my favorite books. So I’ll just merge it to here, throw it out there. Yeah.

The Slight Edge

[00:30:59] 10 [00:31:00] years ago, someone suggested that, that I read this Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. And that is really a life philosophy. Implementing small, simple disciplines in your life. Do them consistently. Which for me, that was the hard part consistently and small. Yeah. Like for me, it needs to be big and exciting otherwise it’s like, why would I do it?

[00:31:23] But to get results, it’s that, to make sure that you, you achieve and do these little things, you have to plan them. Yes. Because, you know reading. My thing is reading 10 pages of a good book every single day. Well, it’s easy to not have the time to do that. So if it’s not planned, you will toss it aside.

Having Things Planned

[00:31:47] If your workout is not planned, you will toss it aside. You know, all the little things that you know you have to do, but don’t really wanna do. You will toss it aside. So time management for me became really a way [00:32:00] to reduce my anxiety. And to stay on track because like I said before, I’m really good at reverse engineering.

[00:32:07]  I think about one of my dreams, I put it into a goal and then I break it down into realistic deadlines. So when I break it down, like from year to quarter to month, week, day, I know that if I do this in my day, every single day, As small as it seems, I’m going towards exactly where I want to go.

[00:32:32] So I don’t stress anymore. And I don’t panic, you know? Yeah. Because it’s gradual, it’s little it’s daily and it’s planned. Yeah. So it, it really calms me down and helped me achieve. And I think that that’s one of the big things when I, I coach, you know, whether it be someone who has a, a high corporate position.

A Piece People Lack

[00:32:55] Has their own business or whatever. I find that this is one place that a lot of [00:33:00] people lack. Yeah. Because you let life, you react to life always. So there’s all these things that you wanna do, or you should do, or whatever that builds your anxiety and you, you don’t get to do them and you’ll talk to people and they’re like, oh my gosh, you should see my to-do list.

[00:33:19] If it’s too long, there’s an. , you know, because that too should be planned into something feasible because otherwise you just like, you always live in this constant, stressful place. And and yeah, sorry, what I wanted to say is that when I see people who have like a secretary or something, their work agenda is well filled because it’s done for them or they have a bunch of meetings or whatever.

[00:33:50] but then they’re not as productive on the development side. Mm. Because they don’t allow time in their schedule to just think about [00:34:00] what I wanna do in the future. And I’m not saying that as a general, everyone does that. I’m just saying that as a quite often, your work schedule will be well scheduled, but everything else that is for you or growth or changing a situation is not in.

Scheduling Open Space

[00:34:16] Miriam: As, as I look at the people who are crossing into that next level, one thing that I see that is common is that they schedule time to do nothing, but think, and that is incredibly difficult when you have these other things pressing. And I was working with a young entrepreneur who. Was trying, he said, do you think it’s a bad idea to hire an assistant?

[00:34:42] I don’t wanna be arrogant. And I said, no, I think it’s a great idea. He had the means and he was trying to basically duplicate himself and pass on, to this other person, things that they could do to free him up. he said, I, I feel like my job is to [00:35:00] think about what’s next. I said, Bravo, That is exactly what your job as the CEO is.

[00:35:07] It’s to stop doing this, this, this, this, this, and this, and, you know, granted, there are some people in life who are not at a place where they can hire someone. There are some people in life who are not business owners who. The principal still holds if you spend even just 20 minutes in the morning, getting quiet and thinking through your day, looking at your day, building in some margin for travel to a, to B or in between appointments to go to the bathroom and get a snack or whatever,

It Makes You Calmer

[00:35:39] it does make you calmer. You’re not caught off guard. And one of the things I love about just this friendship between you and I that’s developing is that, you know, we got on to do this podcast and there was a little bit of a misunderstanding and this was entirely my fault. Am I being interviewed or am I interviewing?

[00:35:58] And you know, because both of [00:36:00] us are professionals and we both take the time to. Get calm and centered. It wasn’t a big deal. We just sort of shifted gears and away we went and it’s been a delightful time thus far.

[00:36:11] An Organizational Tip

[00:36:11] Caroline: I wanna give a little tip here on, on when you plan your day, first of all, you should plan your day before your day begins.

[00:36:20] Yes. So that’s when you plan tomorrow, tonight. Yes. You know, the night before, I’m not gonna talk about it all, but it’s the same for your month and week. You always plan it before. And it’s, it’s important to block a 15 minutes to do that. Cuz again, you’re not gonna have the time something’s gonna happen.

[00:36:36] You will get texts, you will upon Facebook, whatever mm-hmm .

[00:36:40] The 60% Rule

[00:36:40] And the other thing is to never schedule more than 60% of your day. Mm. I used to schedule when I started that I’m a bit extreme, so I always go from one end to the other. So when I started planning, it was every 15 minutes. After two days I was exhausted, done drain.

[00:36:58] I was just like, I [00:37:00] can cuz exactly, like you said, I didn’t have the time to go to the bathroom snacks cuz it was not in my schedule. Yeah. So 60% of your day should be what you plan and the rest is life will happen. yes. And what makes me laugh a little is that a lot of people will tell me. No, I don’t like scheduling because anyway, it doesn’t work on paper.

[00:37:24] Well, I’m sorry to say, but if it doesn’t work on paper, it’s not gonna work in real life either. You know, all those things that you have to do, some people feel it’s too complicated to schedule it down. So they prefer just to live it. Yeah. But if you can’t put it down and schedule it, it’s because there’s something that is not feasible or realistic.

Training Your Brain

[00:37:45] Miriam: Also that business of scheduling things like that is a habit. And at first it’s very difficult to do because your brain isn’t used to it and whatever that piece of you, that doesn’t wanna be tied to organization, there’s [00:38:00] little moving pieces within yourself that you have to work with,

[00:38:03] but you are correct once it happens.

[00:38:06] There’s there’s so much freedom. I love this notion of 60%. I have been doing that, but I hadn’t thought of it quite like that. And I really like just that notion. It’s a good benchmark.

[00:38:18] One last question. If you could turn back the clock and talk to the younger version of you, what advice would you give her?

You’re Enough And You Have Self Worth

[00:38:27] I would say you’re enough. Mm. And believe in yourself

[00:38:33] on the flip side I’m here today because of all of the mistakes that I made. So I don’t know where I would be if I did not make those mistakes, but yes, it would really be, I think, to avoid a lot of pain you’re enough and believe in your.

[00:38:47] Miriam: I like that. And maybe a corollary: the mistakes you make are okay. They’re gonna get you where they get you. You know, mm-hmm , this has been just such a [00:39:00] fun time, spending time with you. I appreciate you. And what you’re doing in this world so much.

[00:39:05] One of the things that I mentioned before we started is that I like to gift a donation in the person’s name to one of four charities.

[00:39:13] And you chose the nature Conservancy. I believe you said, if we can fix our planet, we end up fixing everything else by. Proxy and I, I agree. So we’ll be sending off a donation to the nature Conservancy and the name of simply Caroline.

[00:39:29] And why don’t you share how people can find you?

Where To Find Caroline

[00:39:33] Caroline: My website simply caroline.com.

[00:39:36] I kept it simple.

[00:39:39] Miriam: I love it. It’s in the name. It’s so great to have you here. Thank you again. And we’ll look forward to a return visit at some point. Thank you. Bye bye.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.

• SimplyCaroline.com
• OOLA
• The Slight Edge
• The Nature Conservancy

Music by Tom Sherlock.

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