by Miriam | Jul 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
Last night was the anniversary of the town we live in and they chose to commemorate this with a fireworks show. It was quite good, given that our city is not that big and doesn't command a large budget. At the end, post-finale, they did one last, lone firework – it was a happy face.
We all clapped with delight. Mr. Smiley made us smile. It was a classy way to end – by doing something unforeseen.
When you go beyond the expectation, or outside of the normal bell-curve, people notice.
And if you do it right, they remember.
by Miriam | Jul 17, 2014 | Uncategorized
I have always had vision issues – I think when I was in the 3rd or 4th grade, I first owned glasses for the classroom and for movies. By the time I was married, I needed correction all the time, and I purchased contacts. With each pregnancy, my vision worsened, until currently, I have 20 / 200 vision, corrected to 20 / 20 with contacts.
Something was irritating my right eye yesterday to the point of distraction / crazed-ness … and in a fit of desperation, I took out my contact lens whilst driving. I was commenting to my daughter, "If I close my right eye, I can see perfectly. If I close my left eye … I can't read anything and there are no windows on any of the houses and everything on the horizon blurs together …" Meanwhile she is yelling, "Open your eye, Mom, I don't wanna die!"
We were headed to the airport (a 100 mile drive) and it took about 30 miles for the irritation in my eye to calm down. During those miles, I kept testing out the non-corrected eye, comparing it to the one with the contact lens. I couldn't help it. I was fascinated with how terrible my vision was and also how my brain tried to reconcile the two images it was receiving.
Each of us has whole areas of blindness – things we aren't aware of. Things we minimize and think aren't that bad. Things we try to offset. But it doesn't change the fact that they are there and we are, in fact, broken in this particular realm.
The key to working with your shortcomings is a) admitting that your vision is less than perfect, and b) arranging for some sort of compensation for that deficiency. If you know you are impulsive with money, make a rule that you never buy anything without waiting 24 hours first, or inviting the opinion of someone you trust. If you suck at fashion, make sure you have a couple people who you can bounce your wardrobe off of.
We all are short-sighted in some area. No one has a 20 / 20 life. But some of us somehow think that the way we see things IS 20 / 20 and we are unwilling to even try on another lens to see if somehow that will improve something.
I gotta say, there is no glory in blurry.
by Miriam | Jul 16, 2014 | Uncategorized
I subscribe to several blogs … One of them today used
WAY TOO MANY WORDS.
If I had read the entry carefully, I think what the guy had to say probably was good. But I got three sentences in and it all felt like blah, blah, blah, because I'd had a long day. And so I skimmed to the one bold sentence:
They learned long ago that there is a big difference between talking about changing your life and actually doing it.
Which, honestly, is a good thought. I just don't think he needed three screens to say it.
The other day, I was working with a married couple in counseling and asked the husband to communicate his sorrow to his wife for hurting her feelings. Before he even started, I interrupted him, because he was ramping up with three paragraphs of why he did it, why he was so lame, why he was so sorry, etc. And she was gearing up to zone out, because he tends to ramble, ramble, ramble.
I directed: "ONE sentence, using a feeling word."
"I know I hurt your feelings and that makes me sad."
BRAVO.
She heard him because he was clear.
Let your words be distilled and few.
Everyone will thank you.
by Miriam | Jul 15, 2014 | Uncategorized
I recently finished some training in EMDR, a trauma protocol for therapy. I had begun part one in April, and had offered to several people to work with them via this modality. Very few took me up on it. This last weekend, I finished the training, and it is now much clearer in my mind, not only how this works, but also THAT it works. Interestingly enough, I have already had five people ask for my help with this in the last three days.
What is the difference? Yes, I do believe that people come to the awareness that they are now in a different place and this could be helpful.
But, more importantly, I think something has changed within ME and now I am presenting it differently. Perhaps with more confidence or persuasiveness … there is more trust between the other people and myself now.
Every place of growth requires readiness.
You can't hear what you can't hear, even if it is being said. Loudly. Repeatedly. It doesn't matter until you are ready. And then, all-of-a-sudden, it makes sense and there is now forward movement.
I wonder if that is why Jesus had words to say about, "If they have ears, let them hear." (Matt 11:15, 13:9, Mark 4:9 [and 4 other places], and John says it in Rev 2:29, 3:22)?
Or, conversely, "Do not cast pearl before swine" – i.e there's no point talking to someone about a topic they don't value.
It's all about being ready.
by Miriam | Jul 14, 2014 | Uncategorized
I recently completed a training for a new modality of therapy, which, of course required me to do "practice sessions" with the other trainees, both as the therapist and also as the client.
Without getting into all the details of how this modality works, at times, the processing gets "stuck" and one of the interventions utilized is to invite an ally into your internal world to help the processing shift.
I saw how powerful this invitation can be, when I was in the client chair and found myself completely unable to move forward. The practicing therapist had already tried several other interventions, to no avail. The supervisor asked about requesting someone I trusted and someone and who felt safe into the mix.
It was nothing short of amazing – within seconds of asking this person into the scene in my head, the picture / movie of what I was working on became "unstuck" and there was a good bit of resolution that occurred.
People who are in your court, who have your back – they are so much more vital that we can even imagine. This holds true, whether in real time, or in your mind's eye. We need each other.
