by Miriam | May 10, 2014 | Uncategorized
I looked at dozens of Mother's Day cards … none of which were quite rang true, because how do you say:
"Mom, some of my absolute best attributes came from you; and so did some of my worst."
Mom's (and dads) are a mixed bag, due to an excess of humanity.
What I do know is that she did her best. As a mom myself, I did (do) my best too. And, looking back on it all, there's plenty of "I'm so glad I did it that way", and an equal amount of , "Oh, I wish I had done things differently."
Grace is what we need on Mother's Day.
To say, "I know you loved me the best you knew how," and "I'm so grateful for a God who is into lavishing on us whatever it is we didn't get from our parents via Himself, other friends, our pets, etc."
My mom is awesome, but not perfect. I screw up all the time, and am grateful for kids who are able to see beyond my screw-ups and enjoy me anyway.
by Miriam | May 9, 2014 | Uncategorized
Have you ever thought about how the things that really matter to you don't really stay consistent across your lifespan?
Remember as a pre-teen how you had to have that certain toy; as a teen, that certain brand? And then one day, that brand was out and a new one was the "must have."
In high school, it might have been the "in" people that were a must. In college, a specific belief or ideology might be what you used your energy to defend.
As I get older, the things are really care about become fewer and fewer.
Sometimes I think this is a wretched shame. Like my heart is growing old and callous and there is little spontaneous, vivacious life in it.
But at other times, I believe that this is a gift – this caring less. I get upset with greater infreqency. Less energy is spent bemoaning what I don't have or scheeming on how to get what I want. It is quieter inside my soul.
Recently, we tried to watch a movie and the disc wouldn't work in the player. There was a time where I would have been disappointed. Now I just move on to the next thing. I remember having lively "discussions" about certain convictions. Often, my blood would boil at their wrongness and insentivity (I'm sure oblivious to my own shortcomings). Now, it is rare that I will engage in a debate about anything. The absolute most I might do is say, "Well, I can see your point, for sure, but I disagree."
What do I find myself figting for these days?
Keeping other people's chaos out of my daily life.
Caring for my animals .
Finding ideas that make me think and grow.
Nurturing my relationships.
Always having a "what next"
Maintaining a perspective that it is about loving well God and others, not about doing a bunch of guilt-induced hoop-jumping.
And always, without fail:
Talking baby talk to puppies
Making sure I take time to listen to the rain on the roof
Running outside to see sunsets, rainbows and broody clouds
Grinning like a six-year-old with delight when a plane takes off or lands
And screaming my head off on roller-coasters.
by Miriam | May 8, 2014 | Uncategorized
Some of us speak more than just English. And, while it is a life-long dream for me to be fluent in some other spoken language, in this moment, I am not talking about Spanish or Chinese or Portugese or Hindi.
I am becoming fluent in several other dialects.
Dog, for example. Do you know what a raised tail means?
Deciduous trees. Pale leaves, but green veins indicate -what?
When a horse pushes you with his face, is it affection, or dominence?
Does the sputtering of this engine require more or less gas?
This is not about amassing facts, but rather understanding systems. There are many "worlds" all waiting to be discovered and each has its own vernacular, spoken or otherwise.
When you spend time with people who share the same vocabulary, it is a kind of Coming Home. You can relax and even use shortcuts, because they don't require the backstory. And in this letting down, my heart expands and lightens.
For me, my favorite "world" is the one of the Larger Story. Exploring the 'Something More' spaces, reminding myself that it is not all about my small story, but SomeOne Larger than myself. When I am with others who can also speak this, my heart becomes progressivly more free. I feel accepted and known; in part, because the exchange is not about self-promotion, but about Seeing:
The other person, and the other Person.
by Miriam | May 7, 2014 | Uncategorized
So, I have lost my voice.
And can only whisper.
But occasionally,
the softest word can be powerful.
Often, when one's voice is almost silent,
Other's then whisper too.
Entrainment
To draw along with or after oneself
We influence
By our very being
by Miriam | May 6, 2014 | Uncategorized
This is how the writing of the blogpost goes:
Early in the morning … I read the blog of a brilliant person I am following. I then feel a) happy to be influenced by someone so much more intelligent than I am; b) feel sad that my IQ can't even stand in this guy's shadow.
Later in the day … after hearing so MANY stories of huge and deep sadness, I am no longer concerned about my lack of mental prowess and now I feel overwhelmed with the sheer volume of people's suffering and wonder, do I really make a difference anyway? It is difficult to be in the presence of pain without alleviating it. One can help, but not deliver others. That's just not in our job description.
Still later in the day … recounted to a friend a small miracle that I got to be a part of recently. Felt like, yes, I actually DO matter and bring good to those around me.
By evening … overwhelmed with the amount of things that are undone and yet to be done … however, I stopped to watch the clouds roll in and cover the mountains. The wind picked up and whipped the heavy fragrance of the blooming trees all around me while cold raindrops plinked on the tin of our ancient barn. Suddenly, the whole day seemed timeless and all those emotions dissapated; almost as if they were whisked away with the oncoming storm.
We humans are so moment-by-moment.
This really was skimming the top of the emotional soup. There was so much more, but it is enough to give the flavor of the thing. It makes me ask the question: why bother with these pesky feelings anyway, when they are so changing and varied and unpredictable? Yet, the good ones seem to be what most of us live for –
Those feelings of being loved, safe, at peace, full of joy, of purpose, etc.
Somehow each of us needs to be able to find and access the Deep Peace; to be anchored by SomeOne Larger than our small selves, because we are tossed about like leaves on the breeze. I think that's what I really spend most of my day doing … it mascarades as "life" - but really …
I am Seeking.
And, actually,
Finding.
