The latest book I am reading: Influencer: The New Science of Leading Change.
Which of us doesn't want to be an influencer?
Whether it is with the art we create, the words we speak or write, the actions we take or choose to not enact … we are not only trying to direct our individual lives, but we are also trying to say to others: Come with me!
I find the whole notion intriguing and exciting. Last year, I remember writing a journal entry that talked about the fatigue I was experiencing regarding what I coined "Persuasion Fatigue" – I was (and still am) absolutely drained / exhausted from the notion of trying to get people to do "x" – from taking better care of their animals to doing a better job of developing their souls.
Yet this notion of influencing is somehow different – it excites me.
I wonder if it is because persuading seems to stem from energy from me directed AT you. The other seems to come from energy eminating FROM me – from who I am.
The lines are blurry and there is much cross-over – and perhaps I am just splitting hairs and playing with semantics; yet I think somehow, this is an important distinction – at least for me. I am tired of shoulds and agendas in general.
Yet I never tire of receiving positive influence.
When you bring YOU to the table – with as few agendum as possible … and I know this is difficult, because we all have so many agendi that we aren't even aware we bring … yet I think perhaps there is some magic in bringing the part of you that picks up trash as you walk – not to guilt the other person into doing it, but because you are compelled to, for the sake of our tired planet … and now your companion does it too. Or when you praise your child for their tender heart, because you can't help but do so and the other parent hanging out with you grows in the compassion & praise of their child as well.
I remember a time years ago when I was in another country on a tour and a man was begging close to where we were. I didn't know what to do; In America, often begging supports drug and alcohol abuse, and I didn't want to contribute to this. Our guide walked over and gave the man some money and said, "It is not like in your country. These people have nothing and no government who helps them. They are destitute." His simple explanation and generosity freed me to also be so. And, actually, seveal others in the group did as well – not through persuasion, but through influence.
A sentence from the book:
"They [these profoundly influential people the book was highlighting] think about influencing behavior, talk about it, and practice it, and all of them have created remarkable change in domains where failure has been the norm, often for decades."
If you could change one thing by modeling it … what would it be?
Well … hop to it! And so will I, and we will see where we find ourselves a few years from now … perhaps someone will be writing books about us!
Birthday parties, unexpected charges or proceedures, out of town visitors. I just like to know about that stuff before it happens, and then I internally adjust my expectations, and I'm good.
There are, however some not anticipated things that are pure bliss:
-Finding money in a coat that was left and forgotten last season.
-Discovering a new movie you had no idea was out there and now you want to see it (this is what motivated the post – just discovered "Tim's Vaneer" – it sounds totally thought provoking on several levels. I will let you look it up yourself."
-Order a dish at a resturant and having it come beautifully presented and having it taste exquisite. This is especially true if this is the first time you have been to the resturant.
-Having someone give you something unwarrented and unmerrited; a gift for no reason, a place in line that is closer to the front, the last seat, ticket, cookie.
I'm on the lookout and wondering what will surprise me today … tomorrow … Enjoy your small unexpected moments.
I open the door to let in the dog, and Phileep, the duck charges after her, right into the mudroom, up a small flight of stairs and into the kitchen under the table, where the cat is resting unsuspectingly on a chair. He (the cat) growls a low, meanacing protest.
Quack, quack quack quaaack QUAACKKK.
I see a glimmer of "perhaps this wasn't the best idea after all" begin to dawn in Phileep's eyes, as he realizes he has never been in this house before, he doesn't know this cat and what it might do, and "oh my goodness, what have I gotten myself into?"
The dog quickly forgotten, he made a decision to abort. Waddling as fast as his fwap-fwap-feet-smacking steps could take him – he actually fell down the steps in his haste to get back outside where he could see the sky and the world makes sense to a duck. Besides, that's where his woman lives – outside where the grass is tender and there are no stairs.
Moral of the story: Decisions made based on hormones, teritoriality, or defensiveness usually do not turn out like you think they will. You often lose, and feel humiliated in the process.
The past few days, I have been attending a training for a new skill that I have been curious about, and decided to invest in learning. I love learning new things, and it seemed like the time was right.
With the aquisition of a new skill, there is usually a new vocabulary, protocol, set of assumptions, and a new desired outcome. Today, after two days of this training and one more tomorrow, I am exhausted. This adventure is requiring me to suspend my ideas about how things should be done. And this is no easy task.
I think we each have no idea about the strength of the values we hold, the lenses we look through, and the unconscious nature of many or even most of our actions. It is not until you consiously try to embark on something new that you see how difficult this is. And yet, it is so worth it, to acquire the new.
One should not presume to know the outcome of an event which is still in progress.
Wikipedia cautions against assuming that the current state of an event is irreversible and clearly determines how or when the event will end …
The still chicken lives! (Currently in our bathtub, no less).
And, in fact, against all odds, is doing better. Hooray! There is something to be said for giving it one's all. Tenacity. Bull-doggedness. Bull-headedness. Did you know one of the Hebrew meanings of the name Miriam is 'stubborn'? Yes, it is true. Never-say-die (no pun intended). There are many things worth not-giving-up-on.
By the Grace of God, our little Camilla is still with us.
