Sometimes, after reading my e mail, I will check out the news blurbs that yahoo has on their home page. While I don't try to avoid the news, I have to say, that generally, I don't pursue it much either, primarily for reasons such as I just experienced. This is some of what I read today:
Foiled plot to gun down three officials and and as many students as possible in Pasadena, CA.
Quintuplets all go to college in Texas.
Grisly video of journalist being beheaded by Islamic Millitants.
Is beef good for you or bad for you?
Huge waves awe and intimidate people in Figi.
Etc.
I cannot handle the diversity of these topics.
It used to be that when something terrible happened (beheading), all the networks only had one story. They played it over and over, examining every little detail, almost ad nauseum. But, because it was everywhere, on every channel, there was a sense of unity. It was all anyone talked about, because it was all people saw and we were all horrified together. But now, it seems that everywhere is talking about everything … and consequently, we pause on nothing. This makes me tend to feel nothing. Because I don't know what to feel.
A quote from one of my favorite movies (Sabrina): "Sometimes more is not better; it is only more."
I wish there was more emphasis on things that were important, with a consice call to action that would allow us to feel less helpless.
BTW, despite the stupid juxtaposition of the news blurbs I read today, I do feel heartbroken for the family who got to watch their living son being cut into chunks of dead flesh, on video broadcasted to the world. No one should ever have to experience that, let alone have it shared with the whole planet. Humanity (if I dare call it that) is so broken.
I rarely take selfies, mostly because I hate the way they turn out – it's hard to get a flattering picture. However, here is a cropped selfie of my new shirt – and can I say, I did not expect the response I have gotten from people when they found out I own this shirt.
These days, I am often too serious. But really, there's no way to look at this guy's face and not smile.
Yesterday I attended a young person's baptism (she's college age). There were many, many people who attended, but most notably, her parents, neither of whom had any religious leaning; in fact, they were atheists.
As their daughter made her profession of faith, I wondered what was going through her parents' scientific-method-only minds. I spoke with them briefly, commenting that I valued their attendance, especially given their differing world views.
They said that they were there, because it was meaningful to their daughter.
I was impressed.
It takes tremendous self-possession to support someone in something that is important to them, but not to you.
I feel like I have some growing to do here … I was humbled by their magnanimous gesture of love.
Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric from 1981 – 2001 – he notes in his book "Winning" that most companies lack straightforwardness. He spoke of a conference with over 500 people who worked in business and he asked for a show of hands of who worked in an environment where people were honest with one another. FOUR people raised their hands.
We live in an era and a culture that does not reward candor. In fact, when most people are honest, they are looked at as rude or brash. Even among friends, it is rare to find people who will tell you exactly how they receive you.
Mr. Welch makes this statement in an interview: If you reward candor, if you reward straightforward talk, you will get it.
He is speaking in the context of business. I am wondering how do you cultivate this quality in everyday relationships?
Here are a couple of ideas -
A) Invite honesty. Our culture is almost anti-straightforward (although it is not as bad as some – Asian cultures and Middle Eastern societies to name a few, are notoriously polite and flattering to where I never have any idea what the other person is actually thinking / feeling). If you don't actually invite the other person's true thoughts / feelings, you may never get them. There are just too many cultural mores in the way.
B) Actually hear what the other person is saying. If you get defensive, or justify or get hurt or make excuses … it will probably be the last time that person is straight with you. It takes a ton of discipline to hear their perceptions. Few people can do it. But it is a skill that can be learned.
C) Have an accepting (vs critical, judgmental ) spirit. Most people won't risk honesty with you unless they feel safe.
Those are the big three for me. Any other ideas out there on how to nurture directness within / among relationships?
I recently became acquainted with Gretchen Rubin, former attorney, now writer. At some point in her life, she became enthralled with this notion of how to become more happy. She also asked, how does happiness engage with habit? (Or, to be more accurate, the other way around: how does habit influence happiness?) She did an interview with Jeff Goins (about 35 mins) which is where I heard about her work.
When I purused her website, I found her personal 10 Commandments – principles she endeavors to live her life by. I loved this idea! Here are hers:
For me, this was a thought-provoking moment. As in, what are MY 10 principles to live by? I love hers and say, "Yes!" to most of them. She indicated that it took her several months to land on these, so I'm under no illusion that I can just whip out mine right now … Of course, it goes without saying that I'm going to say the Original Ten Commandments still stand – like, who's going to trump the Almighty? But in addition to Keeping God in His Proper Relationship to You and Not Lying, Stealing, Killing, etc. I'm thinking things (not in any particular order) like:
-Prioritize life-giving relationships.
-Have animals and treat them well.
-Always be growing and feeding my mind and soul.
-Prize mindfulness and intentionality.
-Don't spend money you don't have.
-Value Beauty (in nature, art, music, words, people, food).
-Remember that there is a Spiritual component to everything and things are more than they seem.
-Try to keep things in perspective (let things go, have a sense of humor, don't think of myself as bigger or smaller than I am, or, conversely, the other person either, for that matter).
-Give Grace liberally and freely to others.
-Honor other people's journeys and process. We are not all in the same place, nor headed in the same direction. Just because they don't agree with me does not make them less valuable or less worthy of my respect.
