by Miriam | Aug 13, 2014 | Uncategorized
Over the past few days, I have been reading all the various commentaries and tributes to this man that so many loved and respected, and I have been both dismayed and shocked by his choice to end his life. I feel heartbroken for his family. And, as well, heartbroken for me.
It feels somewhat surreal when something like this happens to change your reality …
I have never met RW and unlikely to ever have in the future … yet I loved his films and when you watch a movie often enough, it feels like the characters become your friends.
Like all of us refer to Dori and Nemo as though they were our BFFs and Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock have been with us much of our lives. With Robin gone, it feels somehow like my life is now "less than." I do not know if I will ever be able to watch one of his films again without remembering that he prematurely ended his life. That he is gone forever. There will be no more spectacular bursts of humor – no more of his unmatched brilliance. He is irreplaceable.
It is sad when someone you admire dies. But it is unquantifieably distressing when their death is by their own hand. It feels so preventable. So tragic. Death is so, so final.
In a totally selfish way, I feel angry at RW for robbing ME of his future performances and tainting his beloved past ones.
Our lives are all connected. It is easy to think, "this is my life; I can do with it what I please." But the reality is - anything I do, for good or bad, directly impacts those around me.
I am deeply grieved that RW felt so sad and hopeless that there were no alternatives for him. He was not alone; millions loved him from a distance and many cared signifcantly from close proximity. Yet, somehow, that wasn't enough.
I have "known" Robin Williams my whole life. I will miss him.
by Miriam | Aug 12, 2014 | Uncategorized
I have a rather unique situation where it came to my attention today that someone could possibly want to do me or my family harm.
Now, I am not a worrier by nature, but (while I was cutting back some overgrown plants in my front yard), I began to think it might be wise to have some sort of emergency plan of action in place, in case some angry person felt the need to confront me or my family members. While thinking of this, I came up with all sorts of scenarios (mostly from what I've seen on TV) – and really, who knows if any of them were the "right thing" to do or not.
A moment ago, I thought – you know, I really should just talk with the local law enforcement and ask them what they think is appropriate. Because they have experience with these kinds of hot situations, they are better equipped to advise when to talk and when to act and how to act. Immediately, I felt better, because this is the right course of action.
Your gut knows when it is time to wait, when it is time to act. However, we aren't very good at hearing that deep, centered space. I believe God speaks to that little voice within each of us … we need to get better at hearing.
by Miriam | Aug 11, 2014 | Uncategorized
A) Why can I not spot superfluous apostrophes until AFTER I publish the post? My apologies for grammatical errors yesterday.
B) I pray often for God to cross my path with brilliant people I can learn from. Here is my latest God-given coup:
Stanford Business School's You Tube
YES!!!
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/236183
This is a list of ten videos – I am referencing the first one (I have not watched the others yet – I got so excited about this site that I had to post IMMEDIATELY!). Anyway, it is a pretty quick watch and the guy has a great accent. Whether you are in business or not is irrelevant, because this talk is all about what keeps highly motivated and talented people from succeeding. Trust me – it's worth your time. And you will learn about the power of "NO."
I swear, if there is some little symbol of "no" like "ohm" - someone fill me in. I need to get some earrings or a tattoo with this.
NO!
I shout you from the roof tops.
You are my favorite little word.
I promise, I will keep you close to my heart and honor your strength.
I love you, little 'no.'
by Miriam | Aug 10, 2014 | Uncategorized
My son was talking about a scene in one of the Shrek movies where Donkey and Puss were sitting at a bar drinking and bemoaning Mondays. Ethan's comment about it was, "And the best thing was that they got to leave their glasses on the bar."
What a strange comment, except not so strange. I had just asked him if he brought in the bowl from the backyard … which has been out there for more than a WEEK.
Everyone in my house has a tendency to leave things all over the house, because they think that the magic will happen and someone else will pick it up and put it away.
We all wish for the Cosmic Mom who will make it all better, regardless of what "it" is.
As humans, we are this interesting mix of fierce independence ("Don't tell me what to do or how to do it.") and then this place of "I don't want to take responsibility for all of my life; just the fun parts."
Being an adult means taking hold of all of it. I gotta tell you, it's exhausting. I can barely stay on top of that space within me, let alone other people. Yet, my job as a Mom is to help my kids internalize that notion of self-responsibility, self-soothing, self-respect, and yielding of self to God.
No wonder I am mostly tired all the time!
Drop your mom a note or a text and let her know you appreciate something about her. She didn't do it perfectly – none of us do, but I'll bet she did the best she could with the emotional resources available to her.
And, consider what area of your life needs to grow in ownership of your stuff. Because no one outside of you can adequately do it for you.
by Miriam | Aug 9, 2014 | Uncategorized
My son exclaimed "This is one of the best days of my life!"
When I asked him why, it was because he had accomplished several of his goals in that one day.
Blocked goals are possibly my single-most source of frustration / depression. And an aspiration realized usually becomes very sweet for me. Apparently, the apple did not fall all that far from the tree, at least in this respect.
So we know from all the "goal gurus" that these aimed-for trajectories should be specific, have a time frame, and be within the realms of reality.
I have to say, most people live much of their life on auto-pilot.
What do you want from your life?
I am not talking about material things.
I challenged a friend to write a list of 50 things that she wants.
A few from her list were impressive:
I want to be heard when I speak.
I want to be valued.
I want to live in peace.
I want my children to love God.
I want to be free to act out of genuine desire, rather than guilt.
I want to stop trying to make everyone happy; I'd like to let them own their own happiness.
I'd like to see a narwhal in the wild. (!)
I love these – they seem worth pursuing. Some of them will need more specific sub-benchmarks to really be effective, but that's okay. She can do that. And, while you can desire that someone else feel a certain way, it can't really be a goal, because you are not in control of them, only you. Yet, none-the-less, I find her desires intriguing and inspiring. And it makes me ask:
What do you want?
by Miriam | Aug 8, 2014 | Uncategorized
I know there is such a thing as "survivor's guilt" – when everyone dies and you mysteriously don't because … well there's no reason; that's why you feel guilty.
And then there is guilt that comes from actually doing something underhanded or unkind or just plain wrong. You should feel bad. Shame on you.
Then there is the 'false guilt' – where you did NOTHING wrong, but you feel those pangs of miserableness because you were raised in a family where guilt is King. This kind is hard (but not impossible) to outgrow.
What do you call, "I live in America and my life is good and safe and I'm basically happy" guilt?
This is what happens when someone burst my anti-news bubble – with stories of Ebola epidemics where 61% of the people who contract it die. Even those who are offering assistance – good deeds do not grant you immunity. Or moment-by-moment bits of the insanity happening in Iraq. Compared to these two, things like the tsunamis, earthquakes, extreme drought-then-rampant-fires feel like small stuff – yet they are devastating too.
I hear about these world and I start to feel absolutely terrible for those poor people; but I don't want to feel awful, so then I do the net effect of sticking my fingers in my ears and saying, "la la la la la la … I can't hear you," and I force myself not to think about it.
Can someone please absolve me of my "By-some-strange-quirk-of-fate, I-ended-up-with-a-better-life" guilt?
I don't want to be like those emotionally flabby American's in WWII who just turned their heads while the Nazis murdered unchecked. But I have no idea what I can DO that is helpful. And hearing about all this every day is, quite honestly, just traumatizing if you really let yourself feel for these people.
I pray for them – that they can somehow find / see God in their suffering and that help would come. And I pray for me – that I won't get jaded and hard-hearted.
If any of you have any other suggestions, I'm all ears.
