by Miriam | Jul 3, 2014 | Uncategorized
Our town does one of the absolute best firework shows I have ever seen – the only change I would make is that it would actually be done on the 4th, rather than the day before (due to some sort of scheduling conflict with the company that puts on the show).
This year's was no exception – it was spectacular. And the thing is, it is totally free. It feels generous and one of those amazing conjunctions between small town values and big city budgets. It went on for a full half hour and our relatives, who were with us for the event, commented that the fireworks were even better than the ones at Disneyland. Which, if you've ever been to the Magic Kingdom and seen their extravaganza, you know that this was high praise.
It made me want to be more generous with others – with my time and my resources.
I think that this is how lavishness works – that you tend to want to pass on what you have received.
by Miriam | Jul 2, 2014 | Uncategorized
Do you fight it? Or give in to it?
Whichever you feed – the fighting or the surrendering … that is the part that will grow stronger.
Sometimes comfort is not what matters.
Each anxiety fought and won is one step closer to a more courageous you.
Each time you choose comfort over courage, it is one step closer to a weaker you.
Over the years, these micro-choices make all the difference.
by Miriam | Jul 1, 2014 | Uncategorized
We have guests for a week and they brought their sweet dog. We also have a sweet dog. However, our dog has had some negative experiences with aggressive canines – especially when she was a puppy, and consequently, she looks at every canis doggus as a potential threat. Which means that she approaches with a kill-before-being-killed attitude.
If you introduce her right away, there's lots of snarling, growling, biting and yelping.
However, if you make her wait until she calms down … as in she's so bored she falls asleep (and the other dog too) – they are in each other's presence, but on leashes and cannot touch – then, if introduced in that calm state, she is friendly, inquisitive and playful.
We are like this too.
When we try to engage while agitated, the outcome is usually poor. People become aggressive and self-protective. If we wait until we are calm or better still, if we know how to self-soothe and create calm within ourselves, then the outcome is often very positive. Generally, people become more others-centered, giving, thoughtful, flexible, creative, and generous. It's worth the wait.
I'm thinking this is going to be a great four days for the dogs.
by Miriam | Jun 29, 2014 | Uncategorized
My husband commented that I looked particularly unhappy when I played my cello with the worship team this week.
There were multiple issues – I had a terrible headache, I was somewhat preoccupied with some deep thoughts, and we recently had a change of leadership due to the impending move of the former leader.
Now I like the new leader just fine – we have been friends for almost 30 years. But the other leader – he and I are more like allies – we've talked through some really hard stuff on his end and I just enjoy him, plain and simple.
He brings his own unique self to the table and I will miss being a part of that experience in real-time. He is off on his own Adventure – and I'm glad for him, for sure. But sad for our loss. My whole family enjoys him.
Each of us brings something that is needed and missed when it's not brought. Don't hold back on your unique you-ness. We need the You that only You possess and only You can bring.
Brad, I'm gonna miss you tons.
by Miriam | Jun 28, 2014 | Uncategorized
"I think we have two lives.
The one we learn with;
And the one we live with after that."
-Iris, The Natural
by Miriam | Jun 27, 2014 | Uncategorized
One of my strengths is that, in general, I mean what I say and say what I mean.
My kids find this both comforting, and maddening. I have heard them say, on more than one occasion, "Once she says 'no' that's it – there's no moving her."
But there are some places I am quite inconsistent in.
Take spiders in the house. Generally, I think of spiders as a good thing, because they eat many of the bugs that really annoy me. So by-and-large, if I see an eight-legger, I will usually live and let live (unless my daughter, who LOATHES them is around, in which case, I will capture them and set them free outside). However, occasionally, I smoosh them. What determines the benevolance or the excecution? No idea.
Similarly, with mice in my barn. I think mice are adoreable. If they didn't multiply like, well, mice, and if their droppings didn't carry disease, I would just share my space and resources. But I learned the hard way one winter and actually lost an animal to disease caused by an exploding population of mice. So, when I see them, I steel myself and set out traps. But, my snapping traps are not always effective, especially if they only catch a tail. What do I do? Of course, I set the mouse free! The other day, I set four free, only to catch them more lethally the next day. I rescued one from our indoor cat earlier this year, because the cat didn't just kill it – it was "playing" with it to death, and I knew that mouse would suffer for hours. So I took it a block away and released it in a field.
There are other examples of this strange behavior – eighteen months ago, I stopped buying meat at the grocery store, because I was horrified at what animals go thorough in the process of being raised enmass and slaughtered. But the problem is that I actually really LIKE meat, and I hate being around high-maintenance people, so I'm not going to become one by going whole-hog (no pun intended) with this. When I am with other people, I consume what they are enjoying. What is that, if not totally inconsistent?
I think what is happening with the spiders, the mice, the food, and numerous other examples, is that I have a low tolerance for suffering. Somehow, I am assessing what will cause more distress for me and for the other individual and I choose the lesser of the two. For example, I hate the way wasps crunch when you kill them – it totally disgusts me (i.e. makes me suffer), so 9 times out of ten, I will find a way to get it to leave peacefully, rather than kill it. But if I can find their nests, I have absolutely no compunctions against spraying it – we go through five cans of the foaming death each summer. I HATE wasps. So, obviously, my high regard for life has some limits.
This sounds semi-noble, or at least eccentricly interesting, until you apply it with people.
All real relationships require eventual uncomfortablness . Some form of exposure. Most certainly confrontation of differences. And reality causes pain at varying levels. Do I do what is best for them, in terms of authenticity and honesty, even if it creates anxiety and distress within me?
Like the previous examples, I am inconsistent. Even though I would like to believe I am not.
Good thing I'm mid-life … I've still got time to grow.
