Recently I went to a screening of two short films created by someone I knew twenty years ago and hadn't seen since then.
It was so intriguing to watch something that someone had created … to see his name come up in the credits. It was interesting to hear from him personally how each of the stories had come about.
I asked him how he had come to find himself making short films. He is a portrait painter by trade, not a videographer.
He said, "I always wanted to make a film. One day that sentence came out of my mouth when I was with a friend; she immediately got on her phone, called someone she knew, who then told me to be in his office in two hours. It was crazy, but I went. The next thing I knew, I was working on this film and teaching myself how to use editing programs on my computer."
I have two goats – Sophie is the mom and Lily is the daughter.
Lily goes off and explores by herself, even though she is the more frail of the two. Sophie watches and hollers at her if she gets out of sight.
Sophie watches everyone …
and she gets distressed when the other animals – even those not her own species – are out of view.
Everyone needs a traveling buddy – more through life than through actual travels. You need someone to bounce ideas off of and even to keep their finger on your pulse – for them to say, "How are you really?"
The cool thing is that you don't have to have the same individual be that buddy through your lifespan. Buddies can change over time … you just need to at any given point, have a person be your person.
So, while spouses can count, they are not a requisite to having someone be FOR YOU.
More important than finding this person – is being this person for someone else.
Because we all need someone to keep tabs on us sometimes.
One minute, I was planning my afternoon. The next, I was told that there was a gunman at my daughter's school and that he had shot six people. He was apprehended, but for a while, the word was that thier might be a second shooter, so I didn't know how long that "alright" status was going to continue.
My daughter was safe due to the immediate lockdown of all the buildings; however, one young man died and another woman is in surgery even as I write this and four more will bear scars from this day for the rest of their lives. Many of the students who are safe, will none-the-less struggle with some post traumatic stress as a result of this day. And, I'm willing to bet, for many, memories will be cataloged as "before the shooting" and "after the shooting."
These kinds of events are game-changers for anyone who is close enough to them.
I can guarantee not one of those kids is worried about their studies right now. In fact, what I heard is that most of them were out on the grassy commons praying for hours.
While it is pathetic that these types of things happen with such regularity these days, I can say I appreciate how these events immediately force people to re-prioritize.
There were many phone calls between loved ones during the lockdown. And many "I love you's" and some tears (on my end).
Because when life is threatened, you get really clear about what is important to you.
I have heard from far too many people of late who are or have been embroiled in hard interpersonal things. They stand their ground because they have been hurt. But usually, when you refuse to come closer, you hurt the other person more and then they hurt you back, yadda, yadda.
An apology goes a long way.
Like : I can see that I have hurt you and I am sorry for causing you pain. Will you forgive me?
What happens next is up to the other person.
Justification : I had every right to do what I did.
Rationalization : I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't done this first.
Minimization : What I did wasn't really that bad (and certainly not as bad as what YOU did).
These are EXCUSES and they allow you to blame the other person and never own your own stuff.
Reconcilliation : I hate this distance between us. Can we work to really listen? I know I hurt you. And I feel terrible about it. Will you accept my apology?
Please, if its a little thing, or a huge thing; just humble yourself and do whatever you can to make things right. There is already so much pain in the world. You don't need to add to it.
My son put a close-valve on the end of one of our hoses so that he could douse a fire in the fire pit and then turn off the flow without going back to the faucet. After he put out the blaze, he closed the valve, essentially stopping the flow on his end, and went into a different part of the yard, forgetting completely that the water was on. When I went out to ask him something, there was water gushing out in all directions from the spaces between the connector and the faucet and hose itself. There was a small lake forming right above his bedroom window (he is in the basement), which the ducks were happily making squishy mud-puddles in.
It reminded me of when people try to bottle up powerful feelings. You can only do it for so long before it leaks out. Sometimes, rather explosively. Other times, a slow trickle. Regardless of how … it leaks.
I had someone comment to me that they saw a roller coaster of emotions flow across my face during specific time frame. I thought I was concealing the conflictedness within me, but apparently, I leak.
Part of me was bummed that I couldn't control that. The other part of me actually felt relieved.
