Practice, Habit, Followthrough
We are what we repeatedly do – Aristotle
Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. – John Eldredge
It doesn't count unless you ship – Seth Godin (wrote the post days ago, but never posted it)
Animal Testing
I recently learned about some large scale animal testing / cloning that is right out of a science fiction book. It involves splicing genes into DNA from two different classifications of animals, which then produce specific proteins that have to be extracted from the animals and then mixed … and what it produced is nothing short of absolutely miraculous. But at what cost? Every male animal is killed at birth. All other animals are killed and incinerated as soon as their usefulness is over – incinerated, because the recombined DNA cannot be allowed to get into the environment in any way, shape, or form.
Another experiment they do there produces dozens and dozens of animals with specific diseases that are then shipped off to medical schools; all so that cures for humans can be found.
It is an ethical mess for me and honestly wish I didn't know.
I am here, on this planet, writing this blog post, because someone, somewhere figured out that this chemical cocktail mix of poisons would be just enough to kill the cancer, but not so much to kill the person. And you can bet that they didn't come to that conclusion by trying it out on people first. So what am I to say about all this? I am alive because thousands of innocent animals died. And probably suffered immensely.
When I was a kid, I read a book about animal testing, and it scarred me for life. I would get images from the book in my head years later and pray God would make me forget.
But, as I often tell people, you can't un-know something that you now know.
This is actually true with a lot of things.
Once you've learned how to ride a bike, unless there's brain damage, generally, that sticks with you.
Once you've learned that you can stand up to a bully, usually the intimidation spell has been broken.
When a dog bites you hard, it's difficult to trust again. Same with a spouse who strikes you or lies or steps out on you … that's pretty impossible to "un know."
I now am aware of the location where this testing is occurring. It has marred my bucholic view of the place. I wish I was still ignorant.
Choices Born out of Duress
I was walking past our barn when I saw our duck in an unlikely spot, basically on a path from here to there … she was fairly immovable and actually opened her beak to hiss at me … a sure sign that she was protecting her eggs. Or egg, as was the case here. Earlier in the season, she had chosen a sensible and safe location within the barn, deep in straw, inside a large dog kennel that we had given her for this very purpose. However, because we do not need multiple adorable ducklings waddling about, as she laid a clutch of 6 eggs, my husband removed some and poked needles through the ones he left, thus preventing their development. We hoped she would be ok with this arrangement; alas, she felt foiled and moved on. However, in her frustration to achieve her goal, she chose poorly. The new egg will never survive – either our dog will eat it or some other creature will take it and she is alarmed every time someone walks by – which is frequently, due to it being a thoroughfare through our property.
Similarly, I read this article about the inventor of Mother's Day (Anna Jarvis) - she started well, campaigning for a holiday to honor mothers' sacrifices and, actually, in a day before social media and viral videos, she achieved this. However, it didn't turn out like she had hoped – the flower and card companies had a hey-day with the holiday and she became outraged at this good thing gone bad. She spent the rest of her life trying to undo it all and ended up at one point in jail, dying penniless.
The notion I am pondering really has to do with what happens when a person's (or duck's) goals are perpetually blocked or frustrated. I believe you see behaviors come out that are not the individual's best. Perhaps their judgement is colored by this all-encompassing need to push through and achieve that benchmark.
I am speaking of myself here, as much an any other person, fictitious or otherwise. It is terribly difficult to walk that razor's edge of enough focus and stick-to-itiveness to stay the course, but enough flexibility to say, "this is not worth it at the expense of everyone and everything else." There comes a desperateness when you feel blocked long enough. Many of my poorest decisions comes from this space. A friend of mine often says "Never make important choices out of desolation" (I believe she is quoting a famous dead guy, yet his name eludes me).
So, for those of us who feel blocked and stymied in places … don't allow yourself to option for something you will later despair in because of the panic or stuck-ness. No one wants regretin hindsight.
Mom’s
I looked at dozens of Mother's Day cards … none of which were quite rang true, because how do you say:
"Mom, some of my absolute best attributes came from you; and so did some of my worst."
Mom's (and dads) are a mixed bag, due to an excess of humanity.
What I do know is that she did her best. As a mom myself, I did (do) my best too. And, looking back on it all, there's plenty of "I'm so glad I did it that way", and an equal amount of , "Oh, I wish I had done things differently."
Grace is what we need on Mother's Day.
To say, "I know you loved me the best you knew how," and "I'm so grateful for a God who is into lavishing on us whatever it is we didn't get from our parents via Himself, other friends, our pets, etc."
My mom is awesome, but not perfect. I screw up all the time, and am grateful for kids who are able to see beyond my screw-ups and enjoy me anyway.
Priorities
Have you ever thought about how the things that really matter to you don't really stay consistent across your lifespan?
Remember as a pre-teen how you had to have that certain toy; as a teen, that certain brand? And then one day, that brand was out and a new one was the "must have."
In high school, it might have been the "in" people that were a must. In college, a specific belief or ideology might be what you used your energy to defend.
As I get older, the things are really care about become fewer and fewer.
Sometimes I think this is a wretched shame. Like my heart is growing old and callous and there is little spontaneous, vivacious life in it.
But at other times, I believe that this is a gift – this caring less. I get upset with greater infreqency. Less energy is spent bemoaning what I don't have or scheeming on how to get what I want. It is quieter inside my soul.
Recently, we tried to watch a movie and the disc wouldn't work in the player. There was a time where I would have been disappointed. Now I just move on to the next thing. I remember having lively "discussions" about certain convictions. Often, my blood would boil at their wrongness and insentivity (I'm sure oblivious to my own shortcomings). Now, it is rare that I will engage in a debate about anything. The absolute most I might do is say, "Well, I can see your point, for sure, but I disagree."
What do I find myself figting for these days?
Keeping other people's chaos out of my daily life.
Caring for my animals .
Finding ideas that make me think and grow.
Nurturing my relationships.
Always having a "what next"
Maintaining a perspective that it is about loving well God and others, not about doing a bunch of guilt-induced hoop-jumping.
And always, without fail:
Talking baby talk to puppies
Making sure I take time to listen to the rain on the roof
Running outside to see sunsets, rainbows and broody clouds
Grinning like a six-year-old with delight when a plane takes off or lands
And screaming my head off on roller-coasters.
Multi-lingual
Some of us speak more than just English. And, while it is a life-long dream for me to be fluent in some other spoken language, in this moment, I am not talking about Spanish or Chinese or Portugese or Hindi.
I am becoming fluent in several other dialects.
Dog, for example. Do you know what a raised tail means?
Deciduous trees. Pale leaves, but green veins indicate -what?
When a horse pushes you with his face, is it affection, or dominence?
Does the sputtering of this engine require more or less gas?
This is not about amassing facts, but rather understanding systems. There are many "worlds" all waiting to be discovered and each has its own vernacular, spoken or otherwise.
When you spend time with people who share the same vocabulary, it is a kind of Coming Home. You can relax and even use shortcuts, because they don't require the backstory. And in this letting down, my heart expands and lightens.
For me, my favorite "world" is the one of the Larger Story. Exploring the 'Something More' spaces, reminding myself that it is not all about my small story, but SomeOne Larger than myself. When I am with others who can also speak this, my heart becomes progressivly more free. I feel accepted and known; in part, because the exchange is not about self-promotion, but about Seeing:
The other person, and the other Person.