by Miriam | Apr 13, 2014 | Uncategorized
Because it is spring, there is an overwhelming amount of work that needs to happen to keep two acres of pines, maples, fences and gardens tamed. One exercise that must be done with trees, bushes, roses, and most perennials is that of pruning.
I am currently reading a book on business that is also talking about this process. This author comments that pruning needs to happen on three levels:
1 – if energy / resources are siphening off toward something with less promise (and therefore could go toward someting of greater value) … it should be pruned (i.e. the good versus the great).
2- if something is sick or diseased or damaged … it should go.
3- if something is dead … it deffinitely needs to be ended.
This author speaks of the pain that comes from letting go (or of purposfully ending things) and how this discomfort keeps us from acting, until that action is long, long overdue. I had read this book two years ago and felt like there were many things in my life that needed trimming and systematically began doing so. Here is the short list of activities, people, and ideas that I have cut from my life.
-97% of "meetings" (church, work, community). There has been no negative fallout from this what-so-ever, and I have hours and hours more in my months now. Hurrah! Such a good return for my investment of the uncomfortableness of saying 'no'.
-meetings with people just because they want time with me. (This is both an activity as well as an idea that I had to clip out; I used to think that becasue they (usually young people) asked, I "should" respond. Well, I am responding now, and the answer is a highly evaluated yes or no. If I feel like they are not really interested or positioned to grow currently, the answer is 'no'). So much energy had previously ebbed out from meeting with people that I felt drained by … and that is no longer happening. Hooray!!
-related to this, I have trimmed ambiguous answers. Where before I might have said,"Let me think about it" and then I agonized over the ways to gently say no or extricate myself, I am now just saying "no" to almost everything others ask of me, and I say "If something changes, I'll let you know." This has brought me great internal freedom from inner wrestling. (And, after thinking about it, I do occasionally say 'yes' Huzzah!! : )
-I trimmed several non-effective positions that I was giving my time to.
-I stopped accepting invitations to showers, book clubs, hiking clubs, small groups, movie nights, music events, women's events, etc. You have no idea how awesome this is; to change the default from "I should" to "No."
-I stopped trying for weed-free gardens.
-I stopped making my bed – don't judge me for that one! : )
Of course all these did not happen at once. It was a trim here and a cut there over a period of years. But they have all added up to an increase in two important commodities: TIME and ENERGY. Of which I was able to invest both into ventures and people that I believe will have good return on my life and I will similarly be able to invest and return to them.
So why the re-read of the book? Because, as with my yard, I do a major trim in Spring and Fall … I think more things need to go. One of our pets causes me tremendous stress. I need to de-clutter one room in particular. I'd like to prune my habit of eating too much sugar, because I think it is negatively contributing to how I feel throughout my day. And there are other things to add to this list. With that energy and time, I should be able to better reinvest toward the ideal me -whom I believe God delights in my discovering and living out of.
(Next year I may prune ending my sentences with prepositions).
by Miriam | Apr 12, 2014 | Uncategorized
Yesterday, one of my daughter's friends fell 40 feet while climbing a tower. By the time the ambulence arrived, he was non-responsive and had to be intubated, as he was not breathing on his own. Thankfully, 24 hours later, his brain swelling is receeding and he was extubated, able to breath by himself.
Meanwhile, our son is on a choir trip in CA. He left in the evening and the tour bus drove all night, arriving the following morning. Around that same time, we heard on the news that a touring bus full of students on I-5 in CA was hit by a Fed Ex truck and had exploded. My husband said when he heard this, he actually had to pull over on the side of the road, because he thought he was going to throw up. We found out shortly afterward that the bus was in Northern CA, and our son was in Southern; my husband breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Yet there are at least 9 families grieving horribly.
One minute you are fine, your world is relatively unruffled. And then, in a moment, your world is upside down. Accidents, heartbreakng diagnoses, unhappy news … it can change in an instant. When I'm done with this post, I'm going to let some folks know that I care for them – because you never know when you may lose the chance to.
by Miriam | Apr 11, 2014 | Uncategorized
Friday night, I watched "Captain Phillips." Can I just say:
A) I love Tom Hanks – a phenominal and amazingly versitile actor. I can only hope to be as successful in my field as he is in his.
B) I cannot remember the last time I experienced a movie that kept me tense through the whole film (once we got past the ten min intro … which, actually was pretty poor – not into the shaky camera style). I actually was stiff after the movie was over, from clenching so much of me.
**C) I am SO grateful I live in America. You know, people criticize the United States for so many things, but I gotta tell you … spend some time in Somalia and then see what you think about the USA. The 2 hours in the movie were more than enough for me to see how difficult life there must be. On the one hand, this movie is a true story about the good guys beating the bad guys. Yet in the opening scenes, you understand why the bad guys do what they do. At one point, Hank's character indicates to the pirate captain that everyone has bosses; everyone has choices. And the pirate replied, maybe in America, but not for me. People do crazy things when they are desperate.
Our country is amazing and we enjoy unprecedented freedom. And I, for one, after watching this film, have a new appreciationan for that.
by Miriam | Apr 9, 2014 | Uncategorized
Can I just say this? Shout it from the rooftops?
They are a NO DRAMA airline. I need to change a ticket? No problem. I want to cancel one? No problem. They are reasonable. They allow you to check bags without charging you for it and they are funny on the plane. Their credit card buys me points which are easy to use. Their website works.
I utilize them exclusively now.
This is the same story for a man who does some odd jobs around the house for us now and then. And also for the person who helps us train our animals. NO DRAMA.
Because yes, I am looking at do they know their stuff, and are they reasonbly priced, but I will pay more for less hassle.
Because cost is not only the dollar amount. Cost is energy. And emotional conflict and complexity requires so much energy. Honestly, energy that I am unwilling to spend.
So … because you know me, and you know I am going to take this toward relationships, because this is what I do …
How much drama do you bring to the people around you?
(We all make choices, you know.)
by Miriam | Apr 8, 2014 | Uncategorized
The latest book I am reading: Influencer: The New Science of Leading Change.
Which of us doesn't want to be an influencer?
Whether it is with the art we create, the words we speak or write, the actions we take or choose to not enact … we are not only trying to direct our individual lives, but we are also trying to say to others: Come with me!
I find the whole notion intriguing and exciting. Last year, I remember writing a journal entry that talked about the fatigue I was experiencing regarding what I coined "Persuasion Fatigue" – I was (and still am) absolutely drained / exhausted from the notion of trying to get people to do "x" – from taking better care of their animals to doing a better job of developing their souls.
Yet this notion of influencing is somehow different – it excites me.
I wonder if it is because persuading seems to stem from energy from me directed AT you. The other seems to come from energy eminating FROM me – from who I am.
The lines are blurry and there is much cross-over – and perhaps I am just splitting hairs and playing with semantics; yet I think somehow, this is an important distinction – at least for me. I am tired of shoulds and agendas in general.
Yet I never tire of receiving positive influence.
When you bring YOU to the table – with as few agendum as possible … and I know this is difficult, because we all have so many agendi that we aren't even aware we bring … yet I think perhaps there is some magic in bringing the part of you that picks up trash as you walk – not to guilt the other person into doing it, but because you are compelled to, for the sake of our tired planet … and now your companion does it too. Or when you praise your child for their tender heart, because you can't help but do so and the other parent hanging out with you grows in the compassion & praise of their child as well.
I remember a time years ago when I was in another country on a tour and a man was begging close to where we were. I didn't know what to do; In America, often begging supports drug and alcohol abuse, and I didn't want to contribute to this. Our guide walked over and gave the man some money and said, "It is not like in your country. These people have nothing and no government who helps them. They are destitute." His simple explanation and generosity freed me to also be so. And, actually, seveal others in the group did as well – not through persuasion, but through influence.
A sentence from the book:
"They [these profoundly influential people the book was highlighting] think about influencing behavior, talk about it, and practice it, and all of them have created remarkable change in domains where failure has been the norm, often for decades."
If you could change one thing by modeling it … what would it be?
Well … hop to it! And so will I, and we will see where we find ourselves a few years from now … perhaps someone will be writing books about us!
by Miriam | Apr 7, 2014 | Uncategorized
There are some surprises that I hate:
Birthday parties, unexpected charges or proceedures, out of town visitors. I just like to know about that stuff before it happens, and then I internally adjust my expectations, and I'm good.
There are, however some not anticipated things that are pure bliss:
-Finding money in a coat that was left and forgotten last season.
-Discovering a new movie you had no idea was out there and now you want to see it (this is what motivated the post – just discovered "Tim's Vaneer" – it sounds totally thought provoking on several levels. I will let you look it up yourself."
-Order a dish at a resturant and having it come beautifully presented and having it taste exquisite. This is especially true if this is the first time you have been to the resturant.
-Having someone give you something unwarrented and unmerrited; a gift for no reason, a place in line that is closer to the front, the last seat, ticket, cookie.
I'm on the lookout and wondering what will surprise me today … tomorrow … Enjoy your small unexpected moments.
