So I have been looking for this item for over a year. A new one was way out of my budget and it seemed a used one could not be found in a three-state area. Suddenly, in the classifieds, one came up for sale an hour's drive from me, at a third of the price (which was still costly enough to give me pause). Two hours later, I called, hoping to go by the next day, as my evening was already committed. The owners informed me that someone else was coming (from 4 hours away!) early the next morning. In the background, I could hear the spouse talking to yet another person about this, now-coveted item.
In a moment, it became clear. Either I change two sets of already committed plans and I leave RIGHT NOW (and spend more money than I am used to wisking away);
or
I weigh the options … I wonder if I really want this thing, I deliberate … and I lose it to 4-hour-guy.
It's really that simple.
There was a moment of feeling bad for distance man, because he had actually called first, and then chiding myself for "taking care of " someone I never met and never will meet … After getting the owners to grudgingly agree to hold the item for me for one hour, I made the decisive move and drove 50 miles, handed them the moola, threw said item into my mini van, and drove the returing 50 miles home.
Never once did I wonder, "Am I doing the right thimg?" For someone who usually has significant buyer's remorse and never even considers purchasing anything without endless, mind-numbing research, this was a huge departure from the norm.
I like it. It feels very adultish. There is something to be said for knowing what you want/ need and pursuing it.
For want of a nail the shoe was lost; For want of a shoe the horse was lost; For want of a horse the battle was lost; For the failure of battle the kingdom was lost—
All for the want of a horse-shoe nail.
This leads to That.
Earlier this week, I listened to a podcast talking about calling and vocation. The speakers talked about how God uses your past to prepare you for your present. One gave an abrevited life history saying he would have never guessed in his twenties that he would be where he is now in his early fifties, yet, here he is.
Both talked about vocational desire in terms of a mythic and a specific – each of us wishes to live a fulfilling life, one where I can be the best me that you I can be. Often, we have a specific idea of what that would be; yet when that exact thing doesn't work out, we get so disappointed and frustrated. A mythic perspective, asks us to look at the larger picture – e.g. someone who is interested in justice could pursue this as an attorney, an activist, a clergy person, or even an author. Each of these has a similar focus, but a different path.
When I look at my own life, I was passionate in my late teens about pursuing veterinary medicine. I spent 2 years in the program, before I regretfully changed trajectories. At the time, I was unaware of my deep longings, all of which were part of the veterinary package: to bring clarity to the situation, to alleviate / prevent suffering, to educated toward a better life, to facilitate healing (in the context of animals).
My first real job found me working with college students in a spiritual framework, yet, what was I doing? See the description above. About 9 years ago, I pursued a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. What do I do with clients? Bring clarity, alleviate / prevent suffering, educate toward a better life, facilitate healing.
I see a pattern emerging …
Interestingly, my desire for veterinary medicine led me to the university where I got involved with a student group that later became my employer. Through this, I met someone who encouraged me to get trained in Therapy. And here I am. This led to that.
While the occupations are quite different, the mythic story appears to be similar.
If I try to distill this down into just a few words, what I seem to bring to to the table is:
Clarity. Freedom. Tools for Change.
I am beginning to think that this is my "calling." That no matter what my job, I will bring those three things.
What do you see consistently in your various jobs and passions? What do you think your three words or phrases are?
If you're interested in the podcast … check it out: http://ransomedheart.com/podcast
Recently, my husband showed me a video clip of a boat speeding along … and in its wake, several ORCAS were jumping and playing. Spectacular. He said it reminded him of the time we were in Hawaii years ago and we went snorkeling – at one point, dolphins were jumping in front of the boat, having a glorious time. He remembers me reaching out to touch them and having tears streaming down my face for the sheer beauty of the experience.
I wish this would happen more often – where I was overcome with the amazingness of our planet. It is so easy to get either jaded or focus on the one annoying thing that is a distraction; e.g. the burgeoning Spring is crisp, verdent, and a warm relief from the dismal gray and cold of January … yet today, what was I focused on? Our neighbor's barking dog. I actually went inside because it was so annoying. But in the back of my mind, I chided myself, saying, "Overlook it; focus your energy on all that IS gong well."
I lost that battle earlier, however, I will try to do it now:
The mountains have been breathtaking, with their snowy tops and their soon-to-be green bottoms.
My dog has the most beautiful brown eyes.
Without any leaves, I can see the shapes of the trees; the blue shining through them is dazzling.
The new grass is like velvet.
I feel like I have heard more birds of late; geese honking, a blackbird's trill, even the littlest of the wrens and chickadees are all happy and chirpy – "It's SPRING – doncha know?"
No snow to shovel and small bulbs coming up everywhere in the yard … I saw tulips and daffodills and crocus – only the leaves, but promises of color soon enough.
They aren't killer whales, but they're still worth celebrating. : )
Are you a list person? Like do you make up lists in your head of all the things you plan on doing for a certain time frame (this evening, this weekend, this hour)? Lists definitely have their pros and cons – (who is it that says "you hit what you aim for, and if you aim for nothing, you hit it every time"?)
I am a copious list maker. Most of them are in my head, however, I also write many of them down, illegibly, often on little scraps of paper that are lost in the shuffle. The last few years, I have kept 3M in business from the purchase of "super sticky notes" alone. (Super stickies are much more sticky than regular ones, and so these notes do not get lost in the general disarray. They can even withstand the dog hair that wafts gently around my house when the heat comes on – this, despite vacuuming every day!)
Tonight I had semi-ambitious plans, due to a scheduled meeting that got cancelled – all of a sudden I had gained 3 hours in my evening. Hooray! However, within about a half hour of arriving home, my head felt fuzzy and I started getting an ear ache and a tooth ache and my eyes felt puffy. Now, I can push through anything, if I have to, but I didn't really have to, and so I got enormously unmotivated to do anything. My list. The huge, unrelenting list inside my head of all the things I could be doing, should be doing, is indefinitely put off until further notice.
I was reading a book today on entrapanership – the author was talking about qualities of a leader – they are singularly focused and are constantly course correcting, among other things.
I am very singularly focused – until I am not.
I am only barely pre-sick, and there are litterally dozens of things that I could be doing, the least of which is spending time with my family. But instead, I have just spent the last two hours with a google search going thorough about 200 "Wheeled Tote Bags" – A completely separate post should be dedicated to how the entire planet is at our finger tips, yet there are only 12 wheeled tote bags made in the entire world and I don't like any of them.
Sometimes I wonder about people who lived 100 years ago – I don't think they allowed themselves to be so easily derailed. By the same token, they smiled a lot less if American Gothic is any fair representation of folks of yesteryear.
What gets you off your tracks?
Here's my list of derailment:
In addition to feeling sick (where mostly, I watch Netflix endlessly), I have to add such things as feeling sad (I'm very unproductive when I am blue), too many choices (I suffer from option overload), a good book, feeling fat (yes, this is true and don't laugh. Fatness makes me eat bags of crunchy foods or chocolate until I feel UTTERLY unmotivated), other people's crises (I'm good at letting other's stuff take my energy and then I have none left for my tracks to run on).
Looking at the above, I actually marvel that I ever get anything done! It takes an enormous amount of energy to become and then stay focused on my goals. And I bet you feel similarly. So if you managed to stay directed on something today, or yesterday for that matter – give yourself a high five. Against all odds, you managed something worth celebrating!
Today I witnessed a most curious event, which I feel is somehow filled with import and deep meaning, yet, not entirely confident of said significance … I will encourage you to draw your own conclusions and interpret this as you wish. I will, however, humbly offer up a few of my own ideas on this matter.
Earlier, I saw a 6 pound male duck take on a 1,400 pound horse and drive him away from a water tank in an effort to keep him away from his woman (a female duck).
From this, I believe that we can learn:
A) Sometimes your courage can outweigh your intelligence.
B) It is not your size or strength that determines your fate, but rather the force of your will.
C) Springtime brings out strange behavior in males.
Use this as you will to enrich your heart toward greater courage, determination, and enjoyment of Spring today.
See below, our hero, with his lady in the foreground, stage right. And our antagonist on the left.
So I just read a comment by Mark Twain stating: "When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction." (and, more humourously, "If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.")
Bear with me while I digress only to return later …
A common phrase where I live is: Don't judge me! (Probably said often, because this is a very critical culture here).
And, added to the mix, a friend asked me, "What do you think is the difference between not judging she quoted Jesus' words: Judge not, because then you will also be judged ( http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/scripture/sermons-on-matthew-7+2.asp) and then discernment, which seems to require some form of this not-politically-correct evil?
What do all of these have to do with each other?
And how does "Women's Intuition" factor in?
A kinder, more gentler word for this is ASSESSMENT.
How can you live a wise life, if you are unpracticed at assessing situations?
I have worked with University students for over a quarter of a century, and have seen this lack of assessing skills in so many young folks – and I assumed it was precisely because they lacked life experience. However, the longer I have been alive, I have noticed that actually, the vast majority of older persons lack this skill as well. People trust individuals they shouldn't and don't trust those they should. They invest in losing ventures and pass by ones that would make them wealthy.
What is the difference between these, and then those who can accurately evaluate people and situations?
Elementary, my dear Watson. (For those of you who are Sherlock aficionados).
Small details. Curiosity. The ability to synthesize many subtle clues together into a coherent story that gives information to you about how that person or situation is likely to behave.
Some learn this through trial and error (translation, not until their older). Some, are fortunate to have this be almost second-nature (personality plus someone who modeled wisdom). And, some, unfortunately never learn this, to their misfortune and the sadness of all who their lives touch. Their's is a life of never-ending chaos.
Yet there is a fourth category, for those who do not come by this naturally: you can systematically pursue wisdom. You can set your face into the wind and chase after sensible, discerning individuals. You can read books that point you toward a self-and-others-aware life. You can change your stars, a la A Knights Tale. Do it.
