by Miriam | Mar 8, 2014 | Uncategorized
So I missed a post yesterday … for most of you reading this, that's no big deal, and it probably went unnoticed. Yet, if anyone is following this daily, you felt the absence (and hopefully my words were missed!)
The simple truth is that I forgot.
Due to 6 months of chemotherapy 6 years ago, I possess what I call a "swiss cheese brain," which means that, "I remember, I remember, I remember, I forgot." This happens in the span of hours – it's not like normal forgetfulness. 6:00 pm – I need to write my post. 7:00 pm – I know, I will write it on the topic of Beauty. 8:00 pm – when I get home from this meeting, I will write my post, and maybe add the aspect of God Chasing After Us. 9:00 pm – absolutely. I will do this. 10:00 pm – I'll be home in fifteen minutes and then I'll write my post. 10:17 – ….. I brushed my teeth, got in my pj's, watched some Netflix, and woke up this morning realizing that the blog post fell through one of the holes in my brain. Sigh.
But even people without swiss cheese in their noggin struggle with follow-through, and I believe it has to do with FOCUS. About a week ago, the blog stopped being 'new' and 'fun' and 'adventurous' … now it feels a little like work, so my passion for it has tapered off and I'm asking myself – how do these people who do this for YEARS continue through the slow patches?
I think part of the reason the post into the cheesey black hole is that my level of focus has waned. New is charming. New is exciting. New is spontaneous. Let's face it: New can be Seductive. Consistency takes determination, effort, and loads of energy and it isn't all that Sexy.
Now is where the real intentionality begins.
And its the same for you, whether in your marriage, your work relationships, a project you are engaged in, your relationship with God;
Lose your focus, lose your consistency, lose your direction, lose your destination.
by Miriam | Mar 6, 2014 | Uncategorized
There are many forms of honor, one of which I was privileged to experience recently.
I frequently post items to sell on KSL, the Utah specific version of Craig's list. Not that long ago, a gentleman from another town asked me if I would be interesting in trading – would I want his, in exchange for mine. What he had was actually something I wanted and had been looking for – it was rare and for me a gift, so I was all in. I must have been somewhat distracted though, because I didn't really pay attention to his location; I thought he lived along a freeway that I travel frequently, so I agreed, thinking it would be a relatively easy switch.
When I actually looked, I realized I had no idea where his town was and we would need to do this via the U.S. Mail. Hmmmmm. Now it feels risky. I only had an e-mail address and a name. These items were valued at about $115 – this made it kind of difficult to fling mine into the postal abyss.
Ten years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated. But in the ensuing decade, I have, unfortunately become more cynical. I don't know if this stems from spending too much time reading the news, or too many interactions with humans who seem to have no sense of decency and respect. But I have to be honest, I genuinely wavered. I thought about how to make this work – we both send the items on the same day, insured, and trackable? But still, what if I do and he doesn't? And, shouldn't he be feeling just as nervous? Honestly, it wasn't even the monetary value that I was struggling with … it was "Can I afford to lose every bit of faith in humanity if this guy rips me off?"
Yet, if you don't risk anything, you gain nothing.
On the day I was planning to take the package to the post office, I received a padded envelope from him. When I opened it, there it was, in good condition, and also a ten and a five dollar bill. He said, "I wanted to get this off to you, but I included some cash, because yours is new and mine is just slightly used; I couldn't feel good about the exchange otherwise."
I keep marveling at this.
He didn't need to do that. I didn't ask him to make up the difference. I didn't ask him to send his package first. Somehow he trusted me, without ever meeting me or talking to me, other than a few e-mails lobbed across cyberspace. It's not about the money. It's more that this guy seems to view the world as a welcoming place and he just wants to be part of that Rainbow-After-the-Rain, Sunrise, Dew-on-the-Grass, PuppyDog-Tail-Waggin', 'Life is Good' feeling.
I feel like I have experienced a moment of honor. And I am awed by it. And I'm looking for a way to Pay it Forward.
by Miriam | Mar 5, 2014 | Uncategorized
It has started already.
I asked several of you, my friends, to read this blog and then to pass it on to others – with two caveats, two types of people that could not be included, for one reason …
Because if I know these two types of people are included, I will begin to alter how I write. I will change either to please them, or more likely, to not disappoint them.
I begin to type ….. and then I delete.
Again I write … and then I delete.
How much courage does it take to say, "This is what I am feeling, experiencing, thinking” and let my words have whatever effect they have?"
Some of us are diplomats at heart and are not very good at saying, "Actually, I totally disagree with you; I think you are misguided, and I believe you will wreck your life if you continue in this vein."
I say, "Well, I can see your perspective. I wouldn't phrase it that way, yet, you make some good points. I can empathize with your feelings." (all the while, simultaneously thinking the above, not-spoken sentiments).
Why are some of us so excited to stir up controversy and have a great discussion fueled by opposing views, and others of us (me) are interested in keeping the peace?
Which one are you? Do you understand why?
by Miriam | Mar 4, 2014 | Uncategorized
I spent an evening with wonderful friends recently enjoying amazing, engaging conversation. Part of what was so unique and refreshing is that we develed into what I call "level 4 communication." (1-weather, 2-interesting facts, 3-your opinions on various topics such as politics/religion, etc, 4-things about you as a person that are fairly close to your heart, 5-the deepest things of your soul).
While we all took turns talking and hearing from one another, there seemed a disproportionate amount of time focused on me, in the form of these level 4 questions. The thing I found so helpful about all of this is that I actually had quite a few questions of my own bouncing around inside me, and my friends' inquiries helped draw them forth.
Their act of being curious helped me give words to the swirling thoughts and actually clarified some ideas for me.
Years ago, I read a book entitiled, The Art of the Question. It was a somewhat scholarly read, yet valuable to me, in that it illuminated how our questions are underscored by our worldviews. Certain kinds of questions close off thinking (yes/no, jugemental inquiries) and other kinds open it up (listening type questions: How do you see this playing out in your life? What are your thoughts about …)
I am so fortunate to have such interested and interesting friends who encourage me to pursue my answers and also spur me on to ask perceptive and thought-provoking questions of others as well.
What kinds of things are you asking others these days?
by Miriam | Mar 3, 2014 | Uncategorized
SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/miriamgunn/writing/Mydeliberatelife/Change.doc
Change
I think we are fascinated, repelled, drawn, exhausted - by the subject of and act of change.
I can't tell you how many people I have heard say, "I hate change." Yet an equal amount of people get bored with the status quo. So it seems to be a confusing subject.
This weekend, I have been attending a conference in which the audience and the speakers are universally focused on intentional living – all of which requires aspects of personal growth within my thoughts, perspectives and actions.
It has me asking quite a few questions. How much is enough? What would something radical require of me? Do I have to go somewhere to achieve something great for the world (several of the speakers were doing various types of relief efforts in other countries across the globe). What is the balance of focusing on the problems / needs of the world, and enjoying the amazing blessings that my life affords? How do I live in the tension between self-care and selfishness.
One of the things I enjoyed most about this gathering is that the underlying worldview was very similar to my own, yet the application was quite different than the inspirational talks I am used to. What this allowed is for me to actually consider real application.
If you present someone with something too similar to what they already know and believe, it only produces agreement, not actual stretching. And if it is too different, they will reject it outright. This is good for me to remember, both on the receiving end, but also as I try to challenge others to give more thought to why and what they do …
by Miriam | Mar 1, 2014 | Uncategorized
From a conference I am attending …
1. Focus Outward (When it's all about you, it is not inspiring)
2. Be Yourself (Authentic and true to your higher goals)
3. Be Relevant (Be a student of the world)
4. Start Local, Teach Global
Much to unpack, and much to think about.
